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CAIN     5'1m*f RT: Cain murdered Abel, is exiled

(RT == Readers' Theater: requires little or no memorization,
little or no rehearsal. An indefinite number of reporters are
salted throughout the audience)

CAIN -- (enters wearing tunic and sandals, with a cross painted
on his forehead, crosses to podium) Good morning. My name is
Cain Son of Adam and Eve. The reason I called this news
conference is to confirm the rumor about my brother Abel. I'd
like to confirm that Abel disappeared recently without telling
anyone where he was going. Not even my parents, Adam and Eve,
know where he went. As you might expect, my mother is rather
upset about this whole thing. So, I request that you not bother
her or my father about this matter. I will be the family
spokesman. Do you have any questions for me?

REPORTER -- Can you be more specific about the time your brother
was last seen before he disappeared?

CAIN -- Yes. Abel was last seen during the feast of the first
fruits. Before we were born, my Father Adam began a tradition of
giving the first fruits of our harvest as a sacrifice to our
creator. My brother Abel and I have continued that tradition.

REPORTER -- Can you tell us who Abel was last seen with?

CAIN -- Yes. He was with me. We both presented our offerings of
first fruits to the Lord our creator.

REPORTER -- Can you give us more details of the offerings?

CAIN -- Yes. As some of you know, Abel is a shepherd, so he gave
one of his lambs as an offering. And, since I work the land as a
farmer, I gave an offering of fruits and vegetables from my
garden.

REPORTER -- Is it possible that the Lord was not pleased with
Abel's offering and struck him dead?

CAIN -- Ah, no. That's not possible.

REPORTER -- Can you tell us WHY that's not possible?

CAIN -- Alright, I'll tell you. My brother is a do-gooder.
Always has been, always will be. If our father says jump, Abel
jumps and on the way up he says "how high?". (pastes on smile)
He's always doing nice things for Mom and Dad, trying to buy
their love. He does the same thing to the Lord. He always said,
"Nothing is too good for the Lord".

REPORTER -- He SAID.

CAIN -- Excuse me?

REPORTER -- Your quote was "He always SAID 'Nothing is too good
for the Lord." He always SAID. That's past tense. Do you believe
Abel is dead?

CAIN -- That was just a figure of speech. I meant to say, "He
always SAYS". I think Abel is still alive... somewhere.

REPORTER -- Is that why you're leaving?

CAIN -- Leaving? What makes you think I'm leaving? (pastes on
smile)

REPORTER -- I noticed that all your belongings are packed on a
donkey.

CAIN -- Oh, that. I can explain that. (long pause) I'm going on
a journey looking for Abel. Yes, that's it. I'm going on a
journey looking for Abel.

REPORTER -- Isn't it true that during the feast of the first
fruits the Lord accepted Abel's offering but rejected your
offering?

CAIN -- I don't see what that has to do with anything.

REPORTER -- Why did the Lord reject your offering?

CAIN -- Something about a flaw. Listen, if I'm going to find my
brother, I need to get started on my journey.

REPORTER -- Before you go, can you tell us why a flaw would
cause the Lord to reject your offering?

CAIN -- It's all my brother's fault. Every time he gives an
offering, it has to be the very very best. In fact, Abel raised
the bar so high that the Lord expects ALL of our sacrifices to
be the highest quality.

REPORTER -- What's wrong with giving the Lord the highest
quality sacrifices?

CAIN -- Well, if I give the Lord my very best produce, what am I
going to do with the damaged goods? I can't sell damaged goods
at the market. Who will buy damaged goods?

REPORTER -- So, your solution is to give damaged goods to the
Lord as a sacrifice?

CAIN -- Of course! And I would have gotten away with it too, if
Abel hadn't been such a do-gooder and given the best of his
harvest to the Lord just to make me look bad. The jerk! Listen,
if I'm going to go find the little jerk, I'd better hit the
road.

REPORTER -- Just one more question.

CAIN -- Alright.

REPORTER -- What is that mark on your forehead?

CAIN -- This? Oh, this is nothing. It's a smudge or something.

REPORTER -- It looks like a cross. What's the significance of a
cross?

CAIN -- Well, if you must know. This mark is from the Lord. Now,
if you'll excuse me...

REPORTER -- Can you tell us the significance of the mark?

CAIN -- Alright. This mark was given to me by the Lord so that
while I was traveling, noone would dare to kill me.

REPORTER -- Why would anyone want to kill you?

CAIN -- (covers mouth) Because I'm a murderer.

REPORTER -- Excuse me? We couldn't hear you. Could you repeat
that? Why would anyone want to kill you?

CAIN -- Because I'm a murderer.

REPORTER -- Who did you murder?

CAIN -- Abel.

REPORTER -- You murdered your brother Abel?

CAIN -- Yes. The do-gooder is dead because his sacrifices were
always just a little bit better than mine. I'm sick of it!

REPORTER -- So, why are you leaving if you're not searching for
your brother?

CAIN -- The Lord kicked me out. He called it justice. I'm not
allowed to be a farmer anymore. So, I'll have to go somewhere
else and find something else to do for a living. So, good bye.

REPORTER -- Thank you, Cain.

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