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THOMAS   8'4m?f Doubting Thomas confronts the risen Jesus

(an indefinite number of other disciples enter one or two at a 
time, cross to table and sit in the upstage chairs, leaving the 
two chairs nearest audience for Bart and Thomas, who enter 
together, speak as they take their seats)

THOMAS -- ...Yes, but how do you know it wasn't a hoax?

BART ---- A hoax?! How could it be a hoax? Thomas, I saw Jesus 
with my own eyes. I'm telling you, he rose from the dead.

THOMAS -- How do you know it wasn't just smoke and mirrors?

BART ---- Smoke and mirrors?! How can he fake the holes in his 
hands and feet?

THOMAS -- I don't know. But I've been stung before. You'd be 
careful too, if you followed two other guys who claimed to be 
the one and only son of God.

BART ---- Thomas, I warned you that those were false messiahs. 
Remember, I asked you, I said "where does it say in the Bible 
that the messiah will lead his disciples out into the desert?" 
Remember that?

THOMAS -- Yes, but they both quoted the Bible as if they wrote it 
themselves. Not even the Pharisees could quote scripture like 
that. They had me fooled. How do I know this isn't the same 
thing?

BART ---- ...Thomas, do you know any other messiah candidate who 
rode into Jerusalem ON A DONKEY, ON THE EXACT DAY as predicted 
by Isaiah and Daniel 500 years ago?

THOMAS -- Well, no, but...

BART ---- ...But Jesus PROVED he was the true messiah. He even 
raised people from the dead. You saw that for yourself. And if 
he was God incarnate, is it so difficult to believe he could 
rise of the dead?

THOMAS -- All the same, Bartholomew, I have been stung before...

BART ---- Did those false messiahs make blind men see? Did they 
make lame men walk? Did they make deaf people hear again?

THOMAS -- Well, no. But I don't care what you say, unless I see 
the nail holes for myself.... no wait... (holds up finger) 
unless I put my finger into the nail holes in his hands and feet 
for myself... 

FRED ---- (enters in a modern day waiter's uniform, with bar 
towel draped over arm and order pad in hand, crosses to table)
...Hello, my name is Fred, I'll be your waiter tonight...

THOMAS -- ...no wait... unless I can slide my hand into the open 
spear wound in his ribs....

FRED ---- ...I knew it. I knew you Jews would be trouble. I told 
Sam, I said Sam those Jews are going to be nothing but trouble...

BART ---- ...Did you lock the door?

FRED ---- Lock the door? This is a restaurant. Why would we...

BART ---- (stands crosses to exit) If the Pharisees and temple 
leaders find out we're meeting in the name of Jesus, they'll 
have us arrested... (exits)

FRED ---- ...Arrested?! ...I knew it. I knew you Jews would be 
trouble. I told Sam, I said Sam those Jews are going to be 
nothing but trouble...

BART ---- ...There, it's locked.

FRED ---- ...Please don't hurt me. I'll give you all my money...

BART ---- ...We're not going to hurt you. (sits)

FRED ---- Then, why were you talking about spear wounds and 
being arrested? (backs away) Listen, why don't I just leave you 
all....

BART ---- (stands, guides Fred back) Please. You have nothing to 
fear from us. We're Christians. We wouldn't hurt anyone.

FRED ---- So, you're followers of that messiah guy, the one 
whose body disappeared from the tomb?

BART ---- Yes, we're here to remember our last supper with him 
before they crucified him. 
(sits)

FRED ---- (returning to table) Well, how quaint. I thought maybe 
you were followers of one of those other fellows who called 
themselves the messiah, you know, the ones who lead their 
disciples out into the desert. You know, a lot of them died out 
there in the desert. (laugh) A raging bunch of lunatics. 
(laughs)

ALL ----- (eyes on Thomas)

FRED ---- (backs away, points) He's one of them, isn't he?

BART ---- Listen, you don't understand...

FRED ---- ...I knew it. I knew you Jews would be trouble. I told 
Sam, I said Sam those Jews are going to be nothing but 
trouble...

BART ---- (stands, guides Fred back) ...Please. You have nothing 
to fear from us. It's true, Thomas was once a follower of those 
false messiahs but, I assure you, he's completely harmless. He's 
no danger to anyone....

FRED ---- ...except for the spear wound...

BART ---- The spear wound was made by a Roman soldier to be sure 
that Jesus was dead before he took him down from the cross. 
Look, it's a little hard to explain, but Thomas was merely 
talking... Listen, could you just take our order? (sits)

FRED ---- (approaches) Well, alright. Our specials for tonight 
are prime rib or baked salmon with dill sauce. (prepares to 
write)

BART ---- We'll all have just bread and wine.

FRED ---- Bread and wine.

BART ---- Yes.

FRED ---- How about rack of lamb? I'm told you Jews love lamb.

BART ---- Just bread an wine will be fine.

FRED ---- So, it isn't enough you lock out all my other 
customers? Now you order just bread and wine? I'll bet I get 
bupkiss for a tip. I knew it. I knew you Jews would be 
trouble. I told Sam, I said Sam those Jews are going to be 
nothing but trouble...

JESUS --- (enters from opposite, clean shaven with two black 
eyes, several facial lacerations and bruises) ...Peace be with 
you.

FRED ---- (startled) Eeeooow! Help me. (tries to hide)

THOMAS -- (stands) What is he raving about now? (turns, sees 
Jesus, freezes and wide-eyed, speaks out of the side of his 
mouth) Bartholomew, who is this?

BART ---- It's him. It's Jesus.

ALL ----- (stand, mumble softly) 

THOMAS -- It doesn't look like Jesus.

BART ---- They beat him up and plucked out his beard before they 
killed him, remember?

THOMAS -- Then how do you know it's him?

BART ---- Thomas, the doors and windows are all locked. Do you 
know anybody else who can walk through walls?

FRED ---- I'm going to die! We're all going to die!

JESUS --- (to Thomas) Put your finger here; see my hands?

THOMAS -- Bartholomew, how did he know I wanted to stick my 
finger in his nail holes?

BART ---- He's God, remember?

THOMAS -- Oh, yeah. Well, here goes. (reaches out)

BART ---- Thomas, don't you dare put your finger in his open 
wounds!

THOMAS -- (pokes finger into Jesus' hand)

ALL ----- (mumble softly in disgust)

BART ---- Oh, Thomas, how could you?

JESUS --- Reach out your hand and put it into my side.

THOMAS -- Well, I really shouldn't but a man HAS to be sure... 
(reaches out)

BART ---- Thomas, if you so much as touch his wound, I will 
never speak to you again!

THOMAS -- (pokes open hand into Jesus side)

ALL ----- Eeeeeuuuu!

FRED ---- I think I'm going to be sick.

BART ---- Thomas!

JESUS --- Stop doubting and believe.

THOMAS -- (kneels, hands clasped) My Lord and my God! (bows)

JESUS --- (touches Thomas' head) Because you have seen me, you 
have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have 
believed. (exits)

ALL ----- (kneel and bow)

FRED ---- I saw it and I still don't believe it! 

THOMAS -- Bartholomew, I don't know how I could have been so 
stupid. Of course, Jesus is risen.

BART ---- He is risen indeed.

THOMAS -- (exiting) I've got to tell the others.

ALL ----- (exit softly discussing the various aspect of Jesus 
resurrected body)

FRED ---- Wait a minute where are you going? What about my tip? 
(following) Wait til I tell Sam. I knew you Jews would be 
trouble. I told Sam, I said Sam those Jews are going to be 
nothing but trouble....

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