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SPIT     3'3m0f Jesus heals a blind man without spit or anything

FRED --- (enters, wearing sunglasses, carrying cup, sits on 
front lip of stage DC facing audience) 

(unintelligible mumbling from opposite exit)

ED ----- (enters opposite, strolls past Fred)

FRED --- (raises cup toward audience) Alms? Alms? Alms for a 
poor blind beggar? 

ED ----- Sorry, fella, I don't have a single drachma on me.

FRED --- Oh. Say, what's all the commotion down the road there?
(points with thumb)

ED ----- Jesus of Nazareth is coming to Jericho.

FRED --- (shouts) Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!

ED ----- Hey, keep your voice down, will you? 

FRED --- No, I want him to heal me.

JESUS -- (enters, crosses while Ed talks, exits)

ED ----- Listen, fella, we're on a rather tight schedule today. 
Maybe he can heal you on the way out of the city.

FRED -- (shouts) Son of David, have mercy on me!

ED ----- Hey, I said be quiet. He's very busy man.

JESUS -- (reenters, stands near exit) What do you want me to do 
for you?

FRED --- Lord, I want to see.

ED ----- Say, listen, Jesus, I'm sorry. I tried to...

JESUS -- (motions for silence) Bring him to me.

ED ----- (helping Fred to his feet) Listen, Jesus, why don't we 
put this off until after... (they take one step toward Jesus)

JESUS -- (motions for silence, raises hand) Receive your sight; 
your faith has healed you. (exits)

FRED --- Wait a minute. Where is he going?!

ED ----- I told you he's a very busy man.

FRED --- Yes, but he didn't even touch me.

ED ----- Yeah, so?

FRED --- So, my friend Manny got spit in his eyes. My friend 
Harold got mud made of dirt and spit. But all I get is (raises 
hand) "Receive your sight; your faith has healed you."? 

ED ----- What are you complaining about? You can see, can't you?

FRED --- Well, of course I can see! Jesus is the son of God, the 
creator of the universe. He can do anything. But what about MY 
mud? What about MY spit? He didn't even put his fingers in my 
ears? My friend Sammy go fingers in HIS ears.

ED ----- Sammy was deaf. Are you deaf?

FRED --- Well, no, but Jesus didn't even touch me.

ED ----- Am I missing something here?

FRED --- You have obvious never been to my barber shop.

ED ----- What does a barber shop have to do with being healed?

FRED --- Okay, picture this. We were all sitting in the barber 
shop a couple weeks ago, when Harold walks through the door. 
Herb says, "Hey, Harold you got mud in your eyes." Harold spins 
this great story about this rabbi who gets down on the ground, 
hocks and spits, mixes up a little glob of mud from the dirt and 
spit and puts it on Harold's eyes, then tells Harold to go wash 
in the pool of Siloam. And when he does, boom, he can see, clear 
as day.

ED ----- I'm familiar with the story. But, I still don't....

FRED --- (hold up his finger) Next day Manny comes into the 
barber shop. Same thing. Herb says, "Hey, Manny, what's that in 
your eyes?" Manny's got this great story about a rabbi who cured 
his blindness with spit. So, for the rest of the day we're all 
sitting around the barber shop speculating about the medicinal 
applications of spit.

ED ----- And this is all leading where?

FRED --- You're expecting me to walk into that barber shop with 
nothing on my eyes?!

ED ----- I think you've missed the point of this miracle....

FRED --- Okay, so, picture this: here's the extent of the 
conversation in the barber shop when I walk in: Herb says, "Hi, 
Fred, what's new?" I say, "Jesus healed my blindness". Herb 
says, "Oh. So, anybody else got anything interesting?" I get 
zero attention. Zero. What good is healing without spit?

ED ----- You could tell them your faith was greater than theirs.

FRED --- My what?

ED ----- Your faith. Jesus needed spit for Manny because Manny's 
faith wasn't strong enough to just be healed with the spoken 
word. Harold's faith was even weaker, so he needed both mud and 
spit. But you, you were so sure about the healing power of 
Jesus all you needed was the spoken word.

FRED --- Oh. Oh, yeah. (grabs Ed arm, swaggers toward exit) 
Yeah, I could give them an hour lecture at the barber shop 
about faith, huh? 

ED ----- Now, you're talking.

FRED --- When it comes to faith, nobody knows more than good ole 
Fred. (points to self, then hesitates) Just in case. Could you 
put a little mud in my eyes? (both exit)


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