SAVIOR   9'1m4f Christ the savior is born in Bethlehem

(all characters wear tunic and sandals)

SAM -- (enters wearing a fedora with unlit cigarette in mouth,
crosses strolling, to audience) The name is Spade. Sam Spade.
I'm a private investigator. In fact, I'm the world's greatest
private investigator. Now, I know what your thinking. You're
thinking that anybody can CLAIM to be the greatest. But come
along with me on this next case and I'll prove to you why I am
the greatest private-eye of all time.

HERODIAS -- (enters opposite) Are you the private dick?

SAM -- (to audience) Now, you may not recognize this woman, but
this is Herodias, the wife of King Herod. This is the kind of
clients you attract when you're the world's greatest
private-eye. (to Herodias) Yes, the name is Spade, Sam Spade,
I'm the world's greatest private investigator. I believe King
Herod is expecting me.

HERODIAS -- Don't flatter yourself. King Herod wouldn't wipe his
sandals on a low-life like you. (freezes)

SAM -- (to audience) Look, I can explain. Even a world-class
private-eye has to investigate a few sleazy divorces in order to
pay the bills when business is slow. (to Herodias) So, I suppose
I'll be dealing with you, huh?

HERODIAS -- Yes. And if you tell anyone you even know me, I'll
send one of the palace guards to break your knees. Got it?

SAM -- Got it. As the world's greatest private investigator, I
always respect the privacy....

HERODIAS -- Save it. You've got the job. (tosses a money pouch
to Sam)

SAM -- (hefts pouch, shakes it near own ear) That's a lot of
money! Say, you're not expecting me to...

HERODIAS -- Nothing illegal. But this case will undoubtedly make
the history books. That means King Herod's name will be
glorified. That means YOUR name stays out of it. Got it?

SAM -- You've got the right man on the job. What do you want me
to do?

HERODIAS -- One of the temple priests, a guy named Zechariah has
been boasting that Israel's long awaited messiah is about to be
born. I need you to find out if this baby is the real deal.

SAM -- (turns, strolls, to audience) Now you're about to see
what sets me apart as the world's greatest private-eye. I
traveled back in time a few centuries to visit the prophet
Micah. (stops, turns to audience) Hey, I notice a look of
disbelief in your faces. And I know what you're thinking. You're
thinking nobody can travel back in time. But I'm the world's
greatest private-eye. (turns, continues) I can do anything.

MICKEY -- (enters opposite) If you're looking for Micah the
prophet, forget it. He's not a fortune teller and he doesn't
predict the winning numbers in the lottery.

SAM -- Oh, I'm not here for personal gain. I'm here on official
business. I was sent by King Herod.

MICKEY -- I don't know anybody name King Herod! (freezes)

SAM -- (to audience) That's the disadvantage of time travel.
People right here in Israel don't even know who their king will
be in the future. (to Mickey) Listen, it's a little difficult to
explain. I just have one question for the prophet Micah. So, if
you'll just let me see him for just one...

MICKEY -- Forget it. He's busy.

SAM -- Well, maybe if you just told him what I wanted to see him

MICKEY -- I'm listening.

SAM -- I wanted to ask Micah about the coming messiah.

MICKEY -- Oh, that.

SAM -- That? What about that?

MICKEY -- Micah already prophesied about the messiah.

SAM -- Well, what did he say?

MICKEY -- He said that the messiah would be born in the village
of Bethlehem.

SAM -- Bethlehem! I know Bethlehem! That's not far from

MICKEY -- Brilliant! Everybody knows Bethlehem. It's the village
where King David was born. Now, take a hike! (exits)

SAM -- (turns, strolls, to audience) My next stop was to a
contemporary of Micah. His name was Isaiah the prophet.

ISSY -- (enters opposite) Get lost! I gave at the office!

SAM -- I'm not here asking for donations. I'm a private
investigator. I'm looking for a Prophet named Isaiah.

ISSY -- That's my husband. And I've heard that one before.

SAM -- What one?

ISSY -- You're trying to get to see Isaiah to ask him which
camel to bet on in the camel races.

SAM -- No. I'm telling you, I'm really a private investigator.

ISSY -- What are you investigating?

SAM -- I was sent by the king to ask about the coming messiah.

ISSY -- Oh, that.

SAM -- Don't tell me. Isaiah has already prophesied about the

ISSY -- You psychic or something?

SAM -- No. I just came from the home of Micah the prophet. He
already prophesied about the messiah too.

ISSY -- Not the same prophecy, though.

SAM -- Oh, really? The prophet Micah predicted that the messiah
would be born in Bethlehem. What did Isaiah predict?

ISSY -- The messiah will be born into the family of King David.

SAM -- King David! I know King David.

ISSY -- He's dead.

SAM -- I know he's dead. I was speaking figuratively. So, this
messiah guy will be born in Bethlehem AND he will be born into
the family of King David.

ISSY -- This GUY you're talking about is no GUY.

SAM -- What do you mean?

ISSY -- I mean, Isaiah predicted that the messiah of Israel will
be God himself in human form.

SAM -- No kidding!

ISSY -- Isaiah is a prophet of God. He wouldn't kid anybody! The
messiah will be known to his disciples as "Immanuel", which
means "God with us". (exits) And you'll get no information on
the camel races from Isaiah.

SAM -- (turns, strolls, to audience) I time-traveled back to the
future and set up surveillance in downtown Bethlehem.

MARY -- (enters opposite, pregnant) Excuse me, sir. Can you
point me to a hotel? (freezes)

SAM -- (to audience) Are you thinking what I'm thinking? This
woman could be the mother of the messiah! (to Mary) A hotel? Why
no. I'm new in town. But, I'm curious. I noticed that you're
pregnant. You wouldn't just happen to be the mother of the
messiah, would you?

MARY -- Why, how did you know?!

SAM -- I'm Sam Spade, the world's greatest private investigator.
I know lots of stuff like that. But how do I know you are really
the mother of the messiah? Are you from Bethlehem?

MARY -- No. I'm from Nazareth.

SAM -- Rats.

MARY -- What's the matter?

SAM -- The messiah will be born in Bethlehem. But you're just
passing through.

MARY -- Oh, I'm not just passing through. We... my husband and I
came here for the census. I'm quite sure my baby will be born

SAM -- Good! Fantastic! So, you are a descendant of King David
then? Or is it just your husband?

MARY -- Both.

SAM -- Both?! Fantastic! Just one more question.

MARY -- Okay. But just one more question. I... I think I might
be going into labor. (holds belly, breathes)

SAM -- This baby... Is there anything SPECIAL about this baby?

MARY -- His name is Joshua.

SAM -- HIS name? You already know the baby will be a boy?

MARY -- Yes, when the Archangel Gabriel told me I was going

SAM -- The Archangel Gabriel spoke to you?!

MARY -- Yes. He told us the baby's name. He told me I was giving
birth to the savior.

SAM -- The savior. He told you that you were going to give birth
to the savior?

MARY -- Yes.

SAM -- And his name will be Joshua?

MARY -- Yes. Joshua is a Hebrew name which means "God is
Salvation". The Greeks will pronounce is name Jesus.

SAM -- "God is salvation"? That's what he said?

MARY -- Yes.

SAM -- So, this baby is God in the flesh just as Isaiah said.

MARY -- Yes. He will be known as Immanuel, "God with us", just
as Isaiah said. (holds belly) Oh. There it goes again! (turns,
exits) If you'll excuse me, I have to find a place to have this

SAM -- (turns, strolls, to audience) See what I mean? The
world's greatest private-eye always finds his man... or should I
say his messiah. I hurried back to King Herod's palace.

HERODIAS -- (enters) You back already?

SAM -- Yes. I have good news. I'm sure the king will see me now.

HERODIAS -- Dream on. (freezes)

SAM -- (to audience) I really am the world's greatest
private-eye. Some people just can't get past the sleezey divorce
cases I've handled.

HERODIAS -- Did you find him or not?

SAM -- I found him. Both parents are from the family of David,
his mother is in labor as we speak and she was told by the
Archangel Gabriel that this baby was God in human flesh.

HERODIAS -- Where is he?

SAM -- I think now would be a good time to talk about my bonus.

HERODIAS -- A bonus?! For what?!

SAM -- You and King Herod can be the first people is Israel to
go there and worship the messiah. I think that's worth

HERODIAS -- I already gave you twice the going rate. (shouts)

SAM -- Let's not get hasty. The baby's name is Jesus and he will
be born in Bethlehem.

HERODIAS -- (exiting) That's more like it.

SAM -- So, you going to go visit him?

HERODIAS -- (exiting) That wasn't quite what we had in mind.

SAM -- I wonder what they had in mind. (turns, strolls) So,
there you have it. Now you know without any doubts why I, Sam
Spade am the world's greatest private investigator. Problem is,
when you read about the birth of the messiah, you won't read a
word about me, because I have (shows money pouch) already
received my reward in full.

2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
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