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RAISED   6'1m0f To disprove the resurrection: produce the body

CAIAPHAS -- (enters wearing ornate tunic and cape) Thank you all 
for coming. For all of you out-of-towners, my name is Caiaphas. 
I am the Chief Priest in the temple here in Jerusalem. I'm sure 
you know why we're here. The disciples of Jesus are spreading 
the story that he rose from the dead.

I don't want to admit this, but... (sigh) I'm afraid I am the 
one most responsible for this problem. You see, it was I who 
went to Governor Pilate and asked him to seal the tomb and to 
put armed guards at the entrance to prevent the disciples from 
stealing the body. 

Frankly, it seemed like a good idea at the time. But (sigh) I 
see now that I unknowingly played right into the hands of the 
Christians. I actually strengthened their case for the 
resurrection. 

First of all, by posting guards at the tomb, I inadvertently 
destroyed our own cover story that the disciples went to the 
wrong tomb to look for the body. Who is going to mistake a tomb 
with brightly colored sealing wax all around the entrance and 
half a dozen armed guards on patrol?! Posting guards also 
destroyed our other cover story that Jesus was not really dead 
when they laid him in the tomb, that he woke up from his coma 
and escaped from the tomb. But. even if a man who had been 
beaten repeatedly on the head, flogged to near death and 
suffocated on the cross for six hours would have enough strength 
to roll away a 2000 pound rock, the people are asking, "how did 
he get past the guards?"

That's why I invented the story that the guards fell asleep. 

But the people didn't buy that story either. Everybody knows 
that the penalty for falling asleep on guard duty is death. 
There isn't a single person in Jerusalem who believes that  
those highly trained Roman guards on duty all fell asleep at 
once. The fact that the guards are still alive tells everyone 
that they didn't fall asleep on duty. I saw to it that the 
guards were transferred out of town, but rumors of the 
resurrection are more numerous than ever.

I see now that our strategy was wrong, all wrong. What we SHOULD 
have done when the body disappeared was resealed the tomb and 
not let anyone go near it. Then, if we couldn't find the body of 
Jesus, we should have found another body and put it in the tomb 
and kept everyone out until the body decomposed, then paraded 
the disciples of Jesus by the open tomb and showed them that 
their precious little messiah was still dead.

But now we're stuck with an empty tomb. Bad idea admitting that 
the body disappeared! Bad idea! (sigh) This... This is all my 
fault. (straightens, feigns hope) But, that's all behind us now. 
We can't cry over spilled milk. We have to come up with a new 
strategy. We need a weapon to use against the more than 500 
people who swear they saw Jesus alive. We've tried arresting 
some of the witnesses and flogging them to get them to stop 
telling stories about the resurrection. But, oddly enough, every 
one of them that we had flogged and tortured said they'd rather 
die than stop talking about it. They said that the resurrection 
is the foundation for their new religion.

(shakes finger at audience) Now, listen people, I can see that 
some of you are softening. Some of you actually think that Jesus 
rose from the dead! But you and I know that's preposterous! The 
only way Jesus could have risen from the dead is if he was God 
himself! And we know Jesus could not possibly have been God. 
That's absurd! If Jesus was God, he would have recognized our 
authority as rabbis and priests. He would have asked us to teach 
his disciples on the finer points of the law. He would have 
asked us permission to ride into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday. 

Palm Sunday! Don't get me started on Palm Sunday! What a 
disaster that was! I finally found out what all the shouting was 
about. I just studied the scriptures and discovered that the 
reason people were all excited on Palm Sunday was because the 
TRUE messiah was predicted to ride into Jerusalem on Palm 
Sunday. But the only one who showed up on Palm Sunday was that 
trouble-maker, Jesus. 

Well, that, brings us back to our problem today. We have to 
squelch the talk about the resurrection of Jesus. But the 
question is, how are we going to do that? I have been giving 
this subject a great deal of thought. And I decided to attack 
the Christians where they are the most vulnerable. Their new 
religion rejects the idea that man can reach God by keeping the 
law. The Christians say that the death of Jesus on the Cross was 
the end of man's striving to save himself. They say that Jesus 
did all the work for us. 

BUT, you see, this argument only works if Jesus is God. And the 
proof that Jesus was God is that he rose from the dead. 
Therefore, if we can prove beyond a doubt that Jesus is still 
dead, Christianity is dead too. So, all we have to do to kill 
Christianity is to produce the body of Jesus! Now, I know that 
you have all been looking for the body since the guards reported 
it missing. Raise your hand if you found the body.

(long pause) Come on, people! One little body is all it will 
take to put an end to Christianity! Surely, SOMEbody has seen 
the body by now!

(long pause, sigh) Oh, no. I was sure somebody would have found 
it by now. (sigh) Well, it's back to the drawing boards. I'll 
let you know if I come up with another strategy. Thank you all 
for coming. (exits)

2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
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