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PREGNANT 4'4m1f A skeptical view of the virgin birth

FRED ---- (Enters, sits in barber chair) Morning, Charlie. 

CHARLIE - (fastens white sheet to Fred's neck, begins clipping) 
Morning, Fred.

FRED ---- Just take a little off the side today, huh?

CHARLIE - Sure. 

FRED ---- Hey, Charlie, did you hear about Joseph's girl friend?

CHARLIE - Knocked up?

FRED ---- Higher than a kite.

JOE ----- (Enters, sits in waiting chair, thumbs through 
magazine) Hi, Charlie. Good morning, Fred.

CHARLIE - Good morning, Joseph.

FRED ---- Helllloooo, Joseph.

JOE ----- (Notices their smirks) What. Do I have something in my 
teeth?

CHARLIE - Do you have anything to tell us, Joseph?

JOE ----- Excuse me?

CHARLIE - The bun in the oven?

FRED ---- Don't play dumb, you rabbit killer.

JOE ----- The baby. Nobody was suppose to know...

CHARLIE - You sly dog.

JOE ----- Oh, you think I...

FRED ---- You ain't gonna deny it, are you Joseph?

JOE ----- Ah, no. (prideful) She claims it's gonna be a boy. 

CHARLIE - It takes a real man to make a boy.

FRED ---- Alright! You dog! I didn't know you had it in you!

JOE ----- Nothing to it. (looks at Mary as she enters)

Mary, what are you doing here?

MARY ---- (Enters) Oh, there you are. Joseph, the Rabbi wants us 
to...

CHARLIE - Is this the little lady, Joseph?

FRED ---- Aren't you going to introduce us, Joseph?

JOE ----- Ah, yes, of course. Mary, this is Fred and Charlie.

MARY ---- How do you do. 

JOE ----- Sorry, guys, gotta go. (pushes Mary toward exit)

FRED ---- Congratulations, little mother.

MARY ---- (stops) Joseph, you told them about the baby?

JOE ----- Well, I, ah,...

MARY ---- Joseph, they might not understand.

CHARLIE - Understand what?

JOE ----- We should go. 

FRED ---- Understand what, Joseph?

JOE ----- We really have to go. The Rabbi is waiting.

CHARLIE - How did you know that the baby would be a boy, Mary?

JOE ----- We really don't have time...

MARY ---- The angel Gabriel told me.

JOE ----- We really should go...

FRED ---- You were visited by an angel?

MARY ---- Yes, didn't Joseph tell you?

CHARLIE - Joseph never said anything about an angel.

JOE ----- It was just an oversight. 

MARY ---- Joseph has never been much for details. See, the angel 
Gabriel...

JOE ----- It's a long story. Maybe another time.

MARY ---- It's not Joseph's baby.

CHARLIE & FRED ---- Not Joseph's baby?!

CHARLIE - Joseph! I can't believe you took credit for somebody 
else's handywork.

FRED ---- I hope you're not considering marrying this tart, 
Joseph.

JOE ----- Well, yes. We're on the way to see the Rabbi now. 
Let's go, Mary.

MARY ---- You should have told them, Joseph.

CHARLIE - Told us what?

FRED ---- (tugs at sheet around his neck) Charlie, take this 
thing off me so I can go to the temple and get some men to stone 
this adultress to death.

JOE ----- I don't think you understand...

FRED ---- Charlie, do you know where we can get some large 
rocks?

MARY ---- Tell them, Joseph. Tell them.

CHARLIE - Tell us what?

JOE ----- This isn't what you think.

CHARLIE - Right. And all along we thought that you...

JOE ----- Mary is still a virgin.

CHARLIE - Right.

JOE ----- The baby was conceived by the Holy Spirit.

CHARLIE - Right.

FRED ---- Charlie, take this thing off me. I got a stoning to 
do.

MARY ---- You can ask my cousin Elizabeth and her husband 
Zechariah. They're having a baby at about the same time that 
mine is due. He's a miracle baby too. Just ask them.

CHARLIE - Right.

FRED ---- I haven't stoned anybody in weeks.

CHARLIE - Wait a minute, Fred. If Joseph wants to marry her and 
make it legal, who are we to judge?

FRED ---- You really gonna marry this hussy, Joseph?

JOE ----- We'll, yes, I.... (pushes Mary toward exit) We have an 
appointment with the Rabbi. (to Mary) Let's get out of here. 

(they exit)

FRED ---- See you later, Romeo.

CHARLIE - Good bye, stud.

ZECHARIAH (Enters, sits in waiting chair, thumbs through 
magazine) Hi, Charlie. Good morning, Fred.

CHARLIE - Good morning, Zechariah.

FRED ---- Helllloooo, Zechariah.

ZECHARIAH - (Notices their smirks) What. Do I have something in 
my teeth?

CHARLIE - Do you have anything to tell us, Zechariah?

JOE ----- Excuse me?

CHARLIE - The bun in the oven?

FRED ---- Don't play dumb, you rabbit killer.


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