MAGDALEN 8'*m1f RT: Mary Magdalene refutes resurrection myths

(RT == Readers' Theater: requires little or no memorization,
little or no rehearsal. An indefinite number of reporters are
salted throughout the audience.)

MARY -- (enters wearing tunic, sandals and headdress, notices
audience, stops, covers face, turns)

REPORTER -- Excuse me. Are you Mary of Magdela?

MARY -- (turns) Yes. I'm sorry. I... I didn't know you were
having a press conference.

REPORTER -- We'd like to ask you a few questions about the
disappearance of the body of Jesus of Nazareth.

MARY -- Oh, ah, you want to talk to the apostles. I'll fetch
them for you. (turns)

REPORTER -- We'd like to interview YOU.

MARY -- (turns) Me? You want to interview me?

REPORTER -- If you wouldn't mind.

MARY -- I'm a woman. Nobody wants to listen to a woman.

REPORTER -- On the contrary, we think you may have a lot of
information that our readers want to know. Please, step over to
the podium.

MARY -- Very well. (crosses to podium) What did you want to

REPORTER -- Is it true that you were the first person to
discover that the body was missing?

MARY -- Yes. I was.

REPORTER -- The Jewish elites have said that the body of Jesus
was stolen to make it look like Jesus rose from the dead. What
do you think?

MARY -- That's not true.

REPORTER -- How do you know?

MARY -- Because I saw Jesus alive outside of the tomb.

REPORTER -- You what?!

MARY -- I saw Jesus alive.

REPORTER -- How do you explain that?

MARY -- Well, obviously, Jesus rose from the dead.

REPORTER -- You think he rose from the dead?!

MARY -- I know he did.

REPORTER -- How can you be so sure.

MARY -- Well, for one thing, before he died, he predicted that
he would be crucified and that he would rise from the dead.

REPORTER -- He predicted it?

MARY -- Yes. Several times. I thought it was common knowledge.

REPORTER -- Just because he predicted it doesn't necessarily
mean that he actually did it.

MARY -- I don't know why it's so difficult to believe. It's
common knowledge all around Israel that Jesus raised at least
two other people from the dead.

REPORTER -- When did Jesus predict that he would be crucified
and raise from the dead?

MARY -- Well, in the Psalms of King David, where he described
the piercing of his hands and his feet. That sounds like
crucifixion to me.

REPORTER -- But David wrote that Psalm hundreds of years ago
before crucifixion was invented. How could David.... how could
anyone know about crucifixion before it was invented?!

MARY -- No mere man could. But God knows everything.

REPORTER -- But you're saying that Jesus himself predicted his
own crucifixion in advance?

MARY -- That's right.

REPORTER -- Are you saying that Jesus was a prophet who spoke
for God?

MARY -- I'm saying that Jesus IS God.

REPORTER -- May we quote you as saying that Jesus is God?

MARY -- You may quote Jesus himself as claiming to be God. The
reason the Jewish elites had Jesus executed was because he, a
mere man claimed to be the God -- the I AM -- of the burning

REPORTER -- Let me get this right. You're saying that Jesus was
claiming to be God?

MARY -- He still is. He's alive.

REPORTER -- But that's a fantastic statement. Jesus was a
carpenter from Galilee. How could he be a man and God at the
same time?

MARY -- God can do anything.

REPORTER -- And you really believe that Jesus rose from the

MARY -- I saw him alive with my own eyes. I grabbed him by the
ankles and kissed his feet after he rose from the dead.

REPORTER -- Isn't it true that you have a history of mental

MARY -- If you're implying that my testimony can't be trusted,
you're wrong. My APPARENT mental illness was caused by demons.
But Jesus exorcized my demons. I can assure you that I am now as
sane as you are.

REPORTER -- But you DO have reason to lie.

MARY -- What reason?

REPORTER -- You were secretly married to Jesus and are carrying
his baby.

MARY -- (smiles) I would laugh at that statement, if it wasn't
so pathetic.

REPORTER -- Can you PROVE that you were not married to Jesus?

MARY -- I can give you two arguments from pure logic. First, why
would the God of the universe, the god of love, marry a woman
knowing that she would be a widow in less than three years?

REPORTER -- So, you're still insisting that Jesus is God

MARY -- God says repeatedly in the scriptures that there is no
savior but himself. The scriptures also say that noone rules the
wind and waves but God himself. Jesus calmed the wind and waves
on the Sea of Galilee. He raised people from the dead including
himself. How could there be any doubt?

REPORTER -- You just said there were TWO ways you could prove
that Jesus didn't marry you. What's the second way?

MARY -- When Jesus was on the cross he took time to put his
mother in the care of his disciple John. If he has a wife who
was about to become a widow and a baby who was about to become
an orphan, wouldn't Jesus make arrangements for them too?

REPORTER -- And he didn't?

MARY -- Not for me, not for ANY wife.

REPORTER -- There is a rumor going around that you and the other
women who discovered the empty tomb went to the wrong tomb. What
do you say to that?

MARY -- Two answers. First, immediately after the crucifixion,
all the women who witnessed the crucifixion followed the body to
the tomb. We sat there for at least an hour while Joseph's
servants annointed and wrapped the body for burial. We knew
where the tomb was. Second, if we did go to the wrong tomb, the
Jewish elites would have gone to the right tomb and produced the
body to refute the resurrection story. But they didn't. They
came up with the lame story about the body being stolen.

REPORTER -- What do you say to people who claim that Jesus
wasn't really dead when he was buried, that he was just
unconscious and the cool tomb revived him?

MARY -- Anyone who believes that has never attended a
crucifixion. Crucifixion was invented by the Phoenicians and
perfected by the Romans as a cruel and certain death by
suffocation. Nobody gets down from the cross alive. But if Jesus
did survive, Roman law requires that the centurion in charge of
the crucifixion must be crucified on the same cross that Jesus
used. Do you see any centurions hanging from a cross?

REPORTER -- Well, no

MARY -- In fact, that same thing holds true for the soldiers who
were guarding the tomb. If they fell asleep as the story goes,
they would be hanging on a cross right now. Do you see any
soldiers hanging on a cross?

REPORTER -- Well, no.

REPORTER -- Are you absolutely sure that the man who claimed to
be raised from the dead was Jesus himself? Afterall, Jesus was
reportedly beaten by both the temple guards and by Governor
Pilate's soldiers. They beat his face with their fists and
plucked out his beard by the roots. When he was buried, he was a
mess. So, how did you recognize him?

MARY -- Well, first of all, he called me by name. I'm from
Galilee. Nobody in Jerusalem knows me by name. Second, I've been
listening to Jesus preach for nearly three years. I would know
his voice anywhere.

REPORTER -- Earlier you said that Jesus repeatedly predicted his
own death.

MARY -- That's right.

REPORTER -- If Jesus is God, why would he come to earth knowing
that he would die?

MARY -- That's why he came to earth.

REPORTER -- Are you saying that Jesus died willingly?

MARY -- That's right.

REPORTER -- Why would he do something like that?

MARY -- The ritual sacrifices in the temple demonstrate that the
shedding of blood is necessary to pay for our sins. Without the
shedding of blood, there is no forgiveness for our sins. The
only blood that can cleanse all of us of all sins for all times
is the blood of the God himself who created us.

REPORTER -- But noone would blame God if he DIDN'T suffer and
die. Why did he do it?

MARY -- For the same reason he created us: because he loves us.
(pauses) Are there any other questions? (pauses, exits)

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