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LICENSE  2'1m?f Monologue: Jesus needed a license for miracles

(phone to ear)

Apostle headquarters.

I'm sorry, Jesus isn't here. But I'm his administrative
assistant. Who's calling, please?

...Bureau of Permits and Licenses?

Violations? I'm sorry, I wasn't aware of any violations.

The wedding in Cana? Yes, I was there when Jesus....

Yes... about a hundred gallons of water changed into wine.

That's right. It was a big wedding.

No liquor license. Well, no. I didn't know he needed one.

Well, I'm sure there was no criminal intent.

Other violations? What other violations?

Well, not at the wedding, that was a little later. Jesus healed
hundreds of people all over Israel...

Well, as a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure he didn't have a
health care provider's permit, but...

Oh, that blind man...

...no, no pills, no medicine...Jesus used spit...that's right
spit.

...no I wouldn't think he'd need a pharmacist's license for
spit.

More violations?

...no, I'm quite sure that he doesn't have a dietition's
license, why?

...Well, yes, he did feed 5000 people, but...

...Well, yes, five loaves and two fish may be well below the
recommended daily allowance for 5000 people, but they all had
plenty to eat...

...No, sir, I can't explain it. You had to be there.

Still more violations?

Parade permit? I don't remember a parade...Oh, you must mean the
triumphal entry into Jerusalem.

No, of course he didn't have a parade permit. He was alone,
riding on a donkey colt.

I'm sorry, I don't know who's going to clean up all those palm
branches in the streets.

More violations? Who writes all this stuff down?...

Now that you mention it, I'm not sure that he had an exhumation
permit when Jesus rose from the dead. But it's to late now
anyway. He just lifted off the ground and is ascending into
heaven as we speak. And before you ask, no he didn't have an
exit visa. And he didn't pay airport departure tax. Goodbye.

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