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FISHING  7'4m0f Third appearance of Jesus after the resurrection

PETER -- (enters quickly, crosses) 

THOMAS - (follows) Peter, where are you going?

PETER -- (turns) I'm going fishing.

JOHN --- (follows) Fishing?! It's almost dark. What are you, 
nuts?

THOMAS - I think he's flipped his lid.

PETER -- I'm a fisherman. Why shouldn't I go fishing?

JOHN --- Because Jesus appointed you to be the head apostle, not 
the head fisherman.

PETER -- After what I did, I'm not sure that Jesus wants me to 
lead a school of fish, let alone a bunch of Christians.

THOMAS - (to John) He's still hung up on his denial.

PETER -- Not denial, Thomas. THREE denialS. After I boasted to 
Jesus that I would never forsake him, but I blew it THREE TIMES. 
John, you can be the head apostle. (turns away)

JOHN --- Me?! Don't put it on me!

PETER -- Well, I don't deserve it. How could Jesus ever think 
that a fisherman could measure up, anyway? (fans the air at 
John) I'm going fishing.  It's the only thing I know I won't 
mess up. (exits through audience)

JOHN --- (to Thomas) Well, if he thinks he can put his job off 
onto me, he can think again. Thomas, I appoint you head apostle. 
I'm going fishing with Peter. (follows Peter)

THOMAS - Me?! I'm no leader. (following John) John, Peter, wait 
for me.

(optional light cue: dim to dark or near dark)

JESUS -- (enters, remains near exit) Friends, haven't you any 
fish?

PETER -- (in audience rear) John, who is that?

JOHN --- I don't know. Thomas, do you know who that is up on 
shore?

THOMAS - No. I don't think he's one of the twelve.

PETER -- Maybe he's a robber who came to steal our fish.

JOHN --- What fish? We've been out here fishing all night and we 
haven't caught a thing.

JESUS -- Friends, haven't you any fish?

THOMAS - He called us friends. He must know us.

JOHN --- Peter, you'd better answer.

PETER -- I told you last night, I'm not the head apostle 
anymore. Thomas, you answer him.

THOMAS - Me?! I'm not even a fisherman. John, answer the man.

JESUS -- Friends, haven't you any fish?

ALL ---- No.

JESUS -- Throw your net on the right side of the boat 
and you will find some.

PETER -- Yeah, right. We've been fishing all night and suddenly 
this fish expert comes along and shows the fisherman how to 
fish.

JOHN --- What do we have to lose Peter? Throw the net.

THOMAS - Yeah, the right side, like he said.

PETER -- Alright, one last time. Then, I'm rowing this boat back 
to shore to get something to eat. I'm starved. Here goes. 
(grunts)

THOMAS - Wow! Look at all those fish!

JOHN --- Easy Peter! There's so many fish, you'll tear the net 
if you pull too hard!

PETER -- We'll have to drag the net up on shore. It's got way 
too many fish to pull it on board the boat.

THOMAS - Say, how did that guy know there would be fish on the 
right side?

PETER -- Yeah, we just tried the right side five minutes ago.

JOHN --- (gasps) It is the Lord!

PETER -- You're right! It has to be the Lord! You guys row the 
boat. I'm going to wade ashore.

(optional sound cue: splash)

THOMAS - Peter! Where are you going?! What if he's a robber!?

JOHN --- Thomas! Are you so dull?! It's the Lord himself! Help 
me row the boat.

(optional light cue: begin to dim up slowly)

PETER -- (runs up on stage, stops suddenly, long pause, 
speechless, slack-jawed, holding a fish, staring at Jesus)

JESUS -- Bring some of the fish you have just caught.

PETER -- Fish? What fish?

JESUS -- You did catch some fish out there, didn't you, Peter?

THOMAS - (entering through audience, coming up behind Peter) How 
does that guy know Peter's name?

JOHN --- (entering through audience, coming up behind Peter) 
That's him. That's got to be him. Jesus always did that.

THOMAS - (follows) Did what?

JOHN --- He always asked questions that he already knew the 
answers to.

THOMAS - Peter, answer the question.

PETER -- What question?

THOMAS - He asked you if you caught come fish.

PETER -- Fish. (looks down at fish) Oh, fish. Yes, we caught 
some fish. (to John) John, are you sure this is him. It doesn't 
look like him.

JESUS -- Of course it's him. He just did a miracle. Who else 
do you know that can do that?

PETER -- But it doesn't look like him.

THOMAS - Well, perhaps while you were off denying Jesus and 
playing hide and seek, the Roman guards were beating the pulp 
out of him. 

JOHN --- That could explain the black eyes, the bruises and 
the cuts.

JESUS -- Did you bring some fish?

PETER -- Fish? Oh, fish. Yes, here. (hands Jesus the fish)

JESUS -- (offers some bread) Here, have some breakfast. 

(each takes a piece of bread as if receiving a vaccination)

JESUS -- You must be starving after fishing all night.

THOMAS - How did he know we were fishing all night?

JOHN --- It's Jesus. He's only the son of God. Daah.

THOMAS - Oh, of course.

PETER -- He looks different. I mean, even with the black eyes, 
and bruises and open wounds, it doesn't look like Jesus.

THOMAS - Well, perhaps while you were off denying Jesus and 
playing hide and seek, the Roman guards were plucking his entire 
beard out by the roots. That could explain why he's clean 
shaven.

PETER -- They did that to my Lord?

JOHN --- Romans do that to us Jews to humiliate us. Anyway, 
Thomas ought to know what Jesus looks like. He was in the upper 
room when Jesus walked through the walls.

PETER -- He did that?

THOMAS - Well, perhaps while you were off denying Jesus and 
playing hide and seek, some of us were meeting together as 
a church.

JOHN --- Oh, big faithful servant. Thomas wouldn't believe it 
was Jesus until Jesus let Thomas put his fingers in Jesus' nail 
holes.

PETER -- Thomas, you didn't!

THOMAS - Well, it could have been a hoax. How was I to know? A 
guy comes claiming to be Christ... 

JOHN --- ...A guy walks through walls and claims to be Christ. 
That's some hoax. Thomas even insisted that he put his hand into 
the spear wound in Jesus' side.

PETER -- Thomas, you didn't!

JOHN --- He did.

THOMAS - It's him alright. See the nail holes in his hands?

JOHN --- Say something, Peter. Let's hear him talk.

THOMAS - Yeah, say something, Peter. 

PETER -- So, how's it going, Lord?

JOHN --- Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant.

PETER -- Let's see if you can do any better, smarty pants.

JESUS -- Simon son of John, do you truly love me more than 
these?

PETER -- Yes, Lord, you know that I love you....

THOMAS - ....When he's not playing hide and seek.

JOHN --- Thomas, hush.

JESUS -- Feed my lambs.

THOMAS - Lambs?! Jesus doesn't own any lambs.

JOHN --- Thomas, be quiet.

JESUS -- Simon son of John, do you truly love me?

PETER -- Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.

JESUS -- Take care of my sheep.

THOMAS - Sheep?! Why does he keep talking about his sheep? He 
doesn't own any sheep.

JOHN --- Shshshshsh.

JESUS -- Simon son of John, do you love me?

PETER -- Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.

JESUS -- Feed my sheep.

(they huddle, while Jesus slips quietly out exit) 

PETER -- (to John) What do you suppose he means by that?

THOMAS - I think he wants you to feed his sheep.

PETER -- You think so?

JOHN --- He's not talking about sheep.

PETER -- That's what he said.

THOMAS - Yeah, we should go to Jesus' mother, Mary, and ask her 
where Jesus keeps his sheep.

PETER -- Yeah, we should do that.

JOHN --- (stands erect, shouts) Hey, numnut! 

PETER & THOMAS -- What?

JOHN --- Jesus knew you were discouraged over denying him. He 
just wanted you to know that he still expects you to be the head 
apostle, you know, the shepherd of his lost sheep.

PETER & THOMAS -- Ooooooooooooooooooooooh!

PETER -- (turns to Jesus, pointing to John) Is that what you 
meant, Lord? Where did he go?

JOHN --- (exiting opposite Jesus) He probably went to tell his 
mother where he hid his sheep.

PETER & THOMAS -- (following) Very funny. 


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