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EUNUCH   5'2m0f Philip and the Ethiopian eunuch

PHILIP -- (wimpy, enters looking around, turns 360, looks up) Is 
this where you want me, Lord? (turns head to opposite exit, 
points) There? (looks up) You mean the chariot, Lord? Okay. 
(walks)

EUNUCH -- (beefy, enters opposite, reading a scroll, walks right 
by Philip)

PHILIP -- (turns 360 with back to eunuch as eunuch walks by, 
finally looks up) There's nobody in the chariot, Lord.

EUNUCH -- (turns) You talking to me?

PHILIP -- (turns, finally sees eunuch) Oh, ah, are you the one 
who owns the chariot? (points offstage)

EUNUCH -- Well, I don't OWN the chariot. It belongs to Candace, 
Queen of Ethiopia. I'm a eunuch. I work for the Queen of 
Ethiopia. The chariot is kind of my company car.

PHILIP -- Oh.

EUNUCH -- Why are you interested in my chariot? It's not for 
sale.

PHILIP -- Oh, ah, I'm not interested in the chariot. The Lord 
told me to come here from Jerusalem and stand by your chariot.

EUNUCH -- (points up) THE LORD told you to come all the way from 
Jerusalem to Gaza to just to stand by my chariot?

PHILIP -- Yeah, he does that a lot. But, at least he didn't send 
me all the way to Africa. I always dreaded that when I gave my 
life the Lord, he would send me as a missionary to Africa...
(gnarled face)...you know, with all those creepy crawly things 
creeping and crawling around. (shivers)

EUNUCH -- I'm quite familiar with Africa.

PHILIP -- Oh, yes, of course, you're from Ethiopia... You don't 
get much more African than that. Well, I guess that's why the 
Lord sent me here.

EUNUCH -- I'm sorry, I missed the connection. What are you 
talking about?

PHILIP -- The Lord knows how much I hate creepy crawly things, 
so he's sending YOU to Africa with the gospel and instead of me.

EUNUCH -- I'm sorry I don't know what a gospel is. What's a 
gospel?

PHILIP -- The gospel of Jesus.

EUNUCH -- (shrugs silently)

PHILIP -- Jesus Christ?

EUNUCH -- (shrugs silently)

PHILIP -- You don't know Jesus?

EUNUCH -- Is Jesus a man or a thing?

PHILIP -- (looks up) Are you sure this is the right chariot, 
Lord?

EUNUCH -- (looks up, then at Philip, then at audience)

PHILIP -- (looks up) Okay, Lord, I hear you.

EUNUCH -- (looks up, then at Philip) What did you hear?

PHILIP -- He says you're the one.

EUNUCH -- The one what?

PHILIP -- The one who's going to carry the gospel... the good 
news... of God to the people of Africa.

EUNUCH -- I am?

PHILIP -- He didn't speak to you?

EUNUCH -- No. Maybe HE (points up) sent you to answer my 
question. (points to scroll)

PHILIP -- What question?

EUNUCH -- I was reading this passage of Scripture: (reads 
scroll) "He was led like a sheep to the slaughter, and as a lamb 
before the shearer is silent, so he did not open his mouth. In 
his humiliation he was deprived of justice. Who can speak of his 
descendants? For his life was taken from the earth." (looks to 
Philip) Who is the prophet Isaiah talking about here?

PHILIP -- Jesus.

EUNUCH -- So, Jesus is a person, not a thing.

PHILIP -- (points to scroll) That's the good news of Jesus I was 
just talking about.

EUNUCH -- I'm sorry, I don't see any good news here. Isaiah said 
this man... (points to scroll)

PHILIP -- ...Jesus...

EUNUCH -- Yes, Isaiah says this poor man Jesus is killed. How is 
that good news?

PHILIP -- The good news is: Jesus rose from the dead.

EUNUCH -- Listen, I think you've been out in the sun too long. 
You think you're talking to God and now you're telling me that 
this man...

PHILIP -- ...Jesus...

EUNUCH -- ...Jesus rose from the dead. (tugs Philip's arm, 
points offstage) Why don't you come sit under a tree and I'll 
give you a drink of water.

PHILIP -- (pulls away) Thank you for your concern but I'm not 
hallucinating. Let me introduce myself. My name is Philip. I'm 
an apostle of Jesus. As an apostle I have supernatural powers 
given to me by Jesus, who is God incarnate.

EUNUCH -- God incarnate.

PHILIP -- God himself came to earth in human form to die for the 
sins of man. That's why he went like a sheep to the slaughter. 
He layed down his life in sacrifice, so that we might all be 
able to live in God's presence for eternity.

EUNUCH -- You saw God himself?! (kneels, crawls after Philip's 
feet) Let me kiss your feet. 

PHILIP -- (backs away, laughing nervously, looking around to see 
if anyone is watching) Don't kiss my feet. I am just an ordinary 
man like you. 

EUNUCH -- Where is this Jesus, so that I might kiss his feet?

PHILIP -- He only stayed on earth a few days after he rose from 
the dead. He's now back in Heaven with God the Father. You will 
be able to kiss his feet when you get to Heaven.

EUNUCH -- How do I get to this place called Heaven?

PHILIP -- You must admit that you are a sinner and turn from 
your sins, by putting your life in the hands of the Jesus.

EUNUCH -- I am the most miserable of sinners. And I do put my 
life into the very hands of this son of God. (crawls after 
Philip's feet) Are you sure I cannot kiss your feet...

PHILIP -- ...No, thank you...

EUNUCH -- (crawls after Philip's feet) ...as a sign of my 
repentance.

PHILIP -- (backs away, laughing) No. But I can baptize you as a 
sign of your spiritual rebirth in Jesus. 

EUNUCH -- (stands, tugs at Philip's arm, points offstage) Come. 
There is a steam of water over here. Why shouldn't I be baptized 
right now? (exits with Philip)

PHILIP -- (exiting) Alright, I'll baptize you. (hesitates 
momentarily) But no feet kissing. Remember, I hate creepy crawly 
things.


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