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BLIND2   3'2m0f Interrogation of blind man who now sees

COP ----- (hardened cop, Brooklyn accent, enters with Harold in
tow)

HAROLD -- (wimpy) Please officer, I'm telling you, I didn't do 
anything.

COP ----- (sits him in chair) Save the sob stories for the 
judge, fella. Just tell me what you know.

HAROLD -- Alright, alright. What do you want to know?

PARTNER - (hardened cop, Brooklyn accent, enters opposite 
carrying file folder and pen) This the perp?

HAROLD -- Perp? Does that mean you think I'm a perpetrator? What 
am I supposed to have done?

PARTNER - We'll ask the questions around here, fella. 

COP ----- Let's start at the top. What's your name?

HAROLD -- My name is Harold Nillman. (looks at what Partner is 
writing) That's spelled with two L's.

PARTNER - Don't hand me that, buddy. 

HAROLD -- One L would be fine.

PARTNER - I'm not talking about the spelling of your name, you 
numskull. 

COP ----- Harold Nillman is the name of the blind man who used 
to sit at the city gate and beg for money.

PARTNER - But he hasn't been seen at the city gate for three 
days. 

COP ----- What do you know about his disappearance?

HAROLD -- Oh, he didn't disappear.

COP ----- Wrong answer. 

PARTNER - So far your record is clean, fella. How about a year
in jail for obstruction of justice?

HAROLD -- Obstruction of justice?

COP ----- If you tell the truth, we'll go easy on you. Now, 
where is Harold Nillman.

HAROLD -- I'm Harold Nillman.

COP ----- Wrong answer. 

PARTNER - How about another year in jail for filing a false 
police report?

HAROLD -- I think I'll change my name.

COP ----- Alright, if you are Harold Nillman, how did you get 
your sight back?

HAROLD -- It was Jesus of Nazareth. He healed me.

COP ----- Did he use surgery or medicine?

HAROLD -- Neither. He used dirt and spit.

COP ----- Wrong answer. 

PARTNER - How about another year in jail.

HAROLD -- Is it a felony to use the word SPIT in public?

COP ----- You expect me to believe a doctor would use dirt and 
spit to cure blindness?

HAROLD -- Oh, Jesus is not a doctor.

COP ----- He cured your blindness, but he's not a doctor?

HAROLD -- No. He's a rabbi.

COP ----- A rabbi. So, it was a spiritual healing?

HAROLD -- Yeah, I guess so.

COP ----- Now we're getting somewhere!

HAROLD -- Can I go now?

COP ----- If it was a spiritual healing, that means that either 
you or your parents have been involved with some big time sin. 
So, what are you covering up?

HAROLD -- I'm not covering up anything.

COP ----- Wrong answer. 

PARTNER - How about another year in jail for withholding 
evidence.

HAROLD -- The Jews always thought that my blindness was caused 
by sin. But Jesus said that the reason I was blind was so that 
he might heal me and prove that he is the messiah.

COP ----- The messiah?! Do you think I'm stupid enough to believe 
that Jesus is the messiah.

HAROLD -- Yes?

COP ----- Wrong answer. 

PARTNER - How about another year in jail for assault on a police 
officer? Right now you're looking at a total of six years in 
jail.

HAROLD -- I'd like to change my story. This one doesn't seem to 
be working.

COP ----- That's more like it. 

PARTNER - I knew he'd open up.

COP ----- Alright, let's take it from the top.

HAROLD -- Well, first of all, my name IS Harold Nillman, (pulls 
sun glasses from shirt pcoket, puts them on) but I'm still 
blind. (stands, moves to exit with arms forward) I have to get 
back to the city gate now, so I can beg for money.

COP ----- Wrong answer.

PARTNER - That's it, buddy, you're going to jail for life. 

HAROLD -- Life?! What did I do?

(all exiting)

COP ----- Just tell us where you buried the body.

HAROLD -- Body?! What body?

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