BACK

BEGGAR   3'4m0f John and Peter heal a crippled beggar

(beggar seated DC, as John and Peter enter, pause)

JOHN --- Peter, why are we going this way? It's time to go to 
the temple and pray.

PETER -- We're going to the temple, John. I just want to go in 
through the other entrance.

JOHN --- Why are we going out of the way?

PETER -- According to the book of the Acts of the Apostles, we 
have to heal a crippled beggar at this entrance.

JOHN --- (opens Bible, they continue to across) Oh! You mean 
chapter 3, verse 6?

PETER -- Yeah, there he is. (they approach)

BEGGAR - Alms. Alms for the poor.

JOHN --- No, thank you.

PETER -- John, he's not offering us money. He's asking us for 
money.

JOHN --- Oh.

PETER -- I'm sorry, fella, we don't have any money.

BEGGAR - Then, take a hike, buddy.

JOHN --- Let's go, Peter. (starts toward exit)

PETER -- John, we came here to heal this man. We have to 
heal him.

BEGGAR - Hey, you two, either drop some shekels into the can or 
move your buns. You're interfering with my visibility here.

PETER -- We've decided to heal you.

BEGGAR - Well, LA DEE DA. Aren't WE spiritual.

JOHN --- I don't think he wants us to heal him, Peter.

BEGGAR - What gave you the first clue, Bozo? 

JOHN --- Maybe we should go, Peter.

PETER -- Oh, sure, and then we erase the first 8 verses of Acts 
chapter 3?

JOHN --- Oh. Maybe you're right.

BEGGAR - (pushes them) Would you mind?! I'm begging here!

PETER -- Wouldn't you rather be able to walk?

BEGGAR - Hey, this isn't a bad gig. Jerusalem is full of Jewish 
mothers.

JOHN --- What do Jewish mothers have to do with begging?

BEGGAR - Hey, there's enough guilt in Jerusalem for three 
cities. The begging business is booming. Step aside and let me 
demonstrate. 

MAN ---- (Enters, crosses) 

BEGGAR - (shouts) Alms, alms for the poor. 

MAN ---- (ignores beggar)

BEGGAR - Hey, hey, fella, I hear your mother is disappointed 
that you didn't become a doctor.

MAN ---- (drops coins in can, exits)

BEGGAR - What did I tell you?

JOHN --- Wow!

PETER -- Very impressive.

BEGGAR - Works every time. So, how about you fellas? Did you 
clean your room and make your bed this morning?

PETER -- Nice try. We don't have any money.

BEGGAR - Then kiss off. You're blocking my livelihood here.

PETER -- Sorry, the Bible says we have to heal you. Let's get it 
over with.

JOHN --- Peter, doesn't he have to have faith?

PETER -- John, John, John, John, John. Haven't you ever read 
Ephesians 2:8?

JOHN --- Peter, the book of Ephesians hasn't been written yet.

PETER -- Oh. Yeah. But when Paul writes it, he's going to say 
that faith is a gift from God.

BEGGAR - Hey, a gift is a gift. I'll accept a gift.

PETER -- Alright, in the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.

BEGGAR - Well?

JOHN --- Well, what?

BEGGAR - Well, I ain't walkin'.

JOHN --- Look, fella, you can't walk while sitting on your tush.

PETER -- Yeah, let me help you up. (grabs Beggar's hand)

BEGGAR - You're sure about this?

PETER -- I'm sure about God. Give it a try. (pulls him up)

BEGGAR - (walks cautiously at first) Hey! Check this out! I'm 
walking! I'm walking! (dances around)

JOHN --- Actually, he's dancing. Is he supposed to be dancing, 
Peter?

PETER -- Gee, I don't know. Let's check the Bible.... (opens 
Bible) Acts 3:8... No. Dancing is not listed here, just walking 
and jumping, and praising God. 

BEGGAR - (Hoops, hollers, dances) Eeeeehaaah! Praise the Lord! I 
am awalkin'! Eeeeeehaaah!

JOHN --- He's dancing, Peter. (shouts) Hey, fella, Bible doesn't 
say anything about dancing.

BEGGAR - (Hoops, hollers, exits) Eeeeehaaah! Praise the Lord! I 
am awalkin'! Eeeeeehaaah!

PETER -- (Closes Bible as both exit) Oh, well, let's wait for 
the Philips translation.


2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it.
Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances.
You may reproduce and distribute this script freely,
but all copies must contain this copyright statement.
http://www.bobsnook.org  email: bob@bobsnook.org

BACK