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ANANIAS  5'5m1f Ananias and Sapphira pay with their lives

(John holds up applause sign, prompts for applause)

PETER -- (deep and mellow announcer's voice) Hi, and welcome
back to the Acts of the Apostles Telethon. I'm the Apostle Peter
and here's the apostle John with an update for our tote board.
Johnnie?

JOHN -- (mellow announcer's voice) Our new total is....

(fanfare)

(holds up sign) 457,876 drachmas. (holds up applause sign)

Our congratulations to the people of Jerusalem and our thanks
for their great generosity. The widows and orphans here in
Jerusalem thank you too. And now back to Peter, who has another
generous donation. Peter?

PETER -- Thank you, Johnnie. (motions Ananias in) We do indeed
have another generous donation. Your name, sir?

ANANIAS - (Bronx accent, enters, carrying brown paper bag) My
name is Ananias. And this is my wife Sapphira. (looks around)
Oh, I guess she's not here. She must have gone to the powder
room. Oh, well.

PETER -- And how much do you want to give to the Acts of the
Apostles Telethon, Ananias?

ANANIAS - Ah, before I announce my gift, can I say hi to the
guys in my neighborhood?

PETER -- Sure, go ahead.

ANANIAS - I'd like to say hello to the guys on the north side.
Hello, Lenny, hello Harry, hello to Mort and hi to Benny. And
finally, hello to my Mom.

PETER -- Okay, now, before you drop your donation into the big
barrel, how much is in the bag?

ANANIAS - Well, first, I'd like to say that my wife and I sold a
piece of property next to our house and we're giving the entire
amount to the telethon!

(applause)

PETER -- That's very generous, Ananias! How much is in the bag?

ANANIAS - (smiles) Twelve thousand drachmas! (drops bag into
barrel)

(low rumble thunder)

(smile melts) What was that? (looks up)

PETER -- (looks up) Johnnie, tell Ananias about that black cloud
over his head.

JOHN --- Peter, that cloud over Ananias head is the wrath of God!

Yes, for some reason, the wrath of God is about to rain down
upon Ananias. And unless Ananias repents soon, he'll be doomed
to death. Now, back to you, Peter.

PETER -- Right you are, Johnnie. Well, Ananias, it appears that
you are about to be struck down by the Lord God Almighty. Would
you like to change your story?

ANANIAS - No, I kind of like the story I gave.

(thunder louder)

Alright, so maybe Sapphira and I held back a few minas for
ourselves.

(thunder louder)

Did I say a few minas? I meant a few drachmas.

(huge thunder clap, Peter points finger at Ananias, who falls
dead backward into the arms of an usher, another usher carries
his feet, they carry Ananias out)

PETER -- Johnnie, while our ushers carry away the dead body of
Ananias, tell our audience what just happened.

(theme music)

JOHN --- Right you are, Peter. Ananias and his wife Sapphira sold
their property for $25,000 drachmas, but he dropped only half of
that into the barrel. Then he lied before the Lord. Fortunately,
the Lord prevailed.

(applause)

Now, back to you, Peter.

PETER -- Thank you, Johnnie. Oh, here she is now. Let's give a
warm welcome to Ananias' wife, Sapphira. (motions her in)

(applause)

Sapphira, welcome to Acts of the Apostles Telethon.

SAPPHIRA - (Bronx accent, enters) Thank you, Peter. Can I say hi
to my friends on the north side?

PETER -- Sure.

SAPPHIRA - I'd like to say hi to Stella, Rita, and Pearl, from
my mah jongg group and to Evelyn and Myra at the sewing guild.

PETER -- So, now tell us about the generous contribution that
your husband Ananias just dropped into the barrel.

SAPPHIRA - We sold a piece of property and gave all the money to
the telethon.

(low rumble thunder)

What was that? (looks up)

PETER -- (looks up) Johnnie, tell Sapphira about that black
cloud over her head.

JOHN --- Peter, that cloud is the wrath of God!

Yes, for some reason, the wrath of God is about to rain down
upon Sapphira. And unless Sapphira repents soon, she'll be
doomed to death. Now, back to you, Peter.

PETER -- Right you are, Johnnie. Well, Sapphira, it appears that
you are about to be struck down by the Lord God Almighty. Would
you like to change your story?

SAPPHIRA - (looks around, shouts desperately) Ananias! Where are
you?

(louder thunder)

Alright, alright, we held some money back.

PETER -- How much?

SAPPHIRA - (shouts) Ananias!

(louder thunder)

It was all Ananias' idea. I had nothing to do with it!

(huge thunder clap, Peter points finger at Sapphira, who falls
dead backward into the arms of an usher, another usher carries
her feet, they carry Sapphira out)

PETER -- Johnnie, while our ushers carry away the dead body of
Sapphira, tell our audience what just happened.

(theme music)

JOHN --- Right you are, Peter. Sapphira lied before the Lord.
Fortunately, the Lord prevailed.

(applause)

Now, back to you, Peter.

PETER -- Johnnie, do we have an update for our tote board?

JOHN --- We do indeed, Peter.

(fanfare)

Thanks to the generous contribution from the late Ananias and
Sapphira, our new total is....

(drum roll)

(holds up sign) 469,876 drachmas. (applause sign)

Our congratulations to the people of Jerusalem and our thanks
for their great generosity. The widows and orphans here in
Jerusalem thank you too. And now back to Peter.

PETER -- And now, here's a word from our sponsor. (points up)

(loud clap of thunder, lights flash, both exit)


2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
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