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PERSONAL 3'2m0f A new Bible turns out to be very personal

(all southern accents)

BOB -- Friends, our church is pleased to welcome to the pulpit 
the internationally known evangelist, Dr Billy Slokem. Please 
welcome Dr Billy.

(applause)

BILL - Thank you, Brother Bob. It is a distinct pleasure to be 
here among such dedicated christians. 

But I must frankly admit that somewhere between the airport and 
here I misplaced my Bible. I wonder if I could prevail upon one 
of you to loan me a Bible during this message.

BOB -- (approaching) Oh. Ah. I...I...Dr Billy it would be my 
distinct pleasure if you would use my brand new Bible.

BILL - Oh! Thank you brother Bob. Brother Bob here has 
graciously offered to loan me his Bible. Thank you, Brother Bob. 
Now let's roll up our sleeves and dig into the word... Well, 
looky here. It's the New International Version. I'll have to 
read carefully. I'm used to the King James Version. Ooooh, and 
it's a personalized Bible. See here? Bob's name is stamped in 
pure gold on the cover.

BOB -- (afar) It's a gift. It's brand new. I've never even 
opened it yet.

BILL -  Well, then, Brother Bob I will treat it with the utmost 
care. Our message tonight is a simple one, friends, It's the 
story of salvation. It begins with Romans 3:23 "For Bob has 
sinned and falls short of the glory of God." 

BOB -- (afar) Excuse me?

BILL - And what price do you pay for sin? Listen to what the 
Bible says. Hebrews 9:27 "Just as Bob is destined to die once 
and after that to face judgement."

BOB -- (approaching) Bob? Where does it say "BOB"?

(near) Hebrews 9:27 "Just as Bob is destined to die once..." 
I'll be darned.

BILL - Brother Bob, please... The good news, brothers and sister 
is that Christ paid the penalty for your sins. Right here in 
Romans 5:8 "But God demonstrates his own love for Bob in this: 
while Bob was still a sinner..."

BOB -- (approaching) Wait a minute. I'm not a sinner...

BILL - But it says right here...

BOB -- (near) Okay, I'm a sinner, but I'm not the only sinner in 
this church. What about Brother Leroy here or Brother Bubba?

BILL - We can discuss them later, right now the WORD is pointing 
its spiritual finger at YOU. The answer for you, Brother Bob, is 
in 1 John 1:9 "If Bob confesses his sins, the Lord is faithful 
and just and will forgive Bob of his sins and purify Bob from 
all unrighteousness". 

BOB -- Now, wait just a minute. You want me to stand up here and 
confess my sins?

BILL - James 5:16 clearly says,"Therefore, Bob, confess your 
sins to others, and they will pray for Bob that Bob may be 
healed."

BOB -- Well, if you think I'm going to stand up here and spill 
my guts, you got another think comin'. Gimme my Bible back!

BILL - Wait a minute, Brother Bob. Listen to James 1:19 & 
20:"Bob should be quick to listen slow to speak and slow to 
become angry. For Bob's anger does not bring about the righteous 
life that God desires."

BOB -- I'm not angry!! (fading) Listen, why don't you finish 
your sermon with someone else's Bible. (approaching) Here. 
Here's Brother LeRoy's Bible.

BILL - Well, alright, Brother Bob. Let's all stand for the 
reading of the Benediction from Brother LeRoy's Bible. I want to 
leave you with the words of our Lord from John 16:24 "If LeRoy 
remains in me and my words remain in LeRoy, he can ask whatever 
he wishes and it will be given to Bob."


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