ORACLE   4'2m2f An oracle spews the meaning of life

FRED -- Listen, Babs, I'm supposed to stay around until
everybody leaves and lock up.

BABS -- I know, Fred, but I still have the whole court room
to clean up. I've got at least another hour of work to
do here. You go on home. I can lock up.

FRED -- You're sure? I means it's no trouble for me to stay.

BABS -- Nah! You go home. It's no trouble at all.

FRED -- Well, okay, Babs. Thanks a lot. I'll just set the
latch on the door. You just pull it shut when you
leave, huh?

BABS -- Yeah, sure.

FRED -- Thanks, again, Babs. Good night.

BABS -- Good night, Fred.

ROGER -- (whispers) Charlotte! There she is.

CHAR -- (whispers) The Oracle? Where?

ROGER -- (whispers) Up there, behind the big wooden altar, beside 
the big leather throne.

CHAR -- (whispers) But how do we know it's her, Roger?

ROGER -- (whispers) She's by the throne, Charlotte. Who else would 
be on the throne besides the Oracle?

CHAR -- (whispers) They said she'd be on a high place. And sure 
enough, here she is up by the throne. 

ROGER -- (whispers) Why do you suppose she's rubbing the altar like 
that, Charlotte?

CHAR -- (whispers) Maybe she's making some kind of incantation or 
spell or something.

ROGER -- (whispers) Do you think she'll talk to us, Charlotte?

CHAR -- (whispers) What if she turns us into frogs or something?

ROGER -- (whispers) We came all this way to ask her. I'm going 
to ask her.

CHAR -- (whispers) Not while she's doing her incantations, 

ROGER -- (whispers) There. She must be done now. She sat down on 
the throne. She looks tired. I'm going to ask her before she 
regains her strength. (shouts) Will you tell us the secret to 

BABS -- Huh? You talking to me?

CHAR -- (whispers) I told you, Roger, she won't talk to common 

ROGER -- Yes, Ms Oracle, we want to know the secret to success.

BABS -- Success?

CHAR -- (whispers) Roger, what if she turns us into lizards or 

BABS -- You want to know the secret to success?

ROGER -- If it wouldn't be too much trouble, your Oracleness.

BABS -- Hard work.

ROGER -- That's it? Hard work? We took three airplanes and a bus 
all the way here and that's what we get, HARD WORK?

CHAR -- (whispers) Don't get her mad, Roger.

BABS -- Nose to the grind stone, shoulder to the wheel. Use a
little elbow grease.

ROGER -- Don't you have anything a little more spiritual?

CHAR -- (whispers) Roger!

ROGER -- Well, I know lots of people who work their fingers to
the bone and don't succeed. What else ya got?

BABS -- Soybean futures.

ROGER -- What?!

BABS -- Buy low, sell high. Buy term insurance and invest the
difference. Energy stocks are hot and so are no-load mutual

CHAR -- (whispers) Roger, do you think she misunderstood the 

ROGER -- Do you have any advice for people who don't have a lot
of money?

BABS -- Minimize your inventory. Cut the dead wood out of your
payroll. Run lean and mean.

CHAR -- What do you have for people who are just getting

BABS -- Dress for success. Act successful and you'll be
successful. A man is what he eats. A rolling stone
gathers no moss.

ROGER -- Yeah, yeah, I've heard that stuff a million times.

CHAR -- Roger!

ROGER -- Don't you have ANYTHING worth while?

CHAR -- Roger, she's going to turn you into a pillar of salt!

ROGER -- Shshshsh. Charlotte, she's picking up a big black book!

CHAR -- What is it, Roger?

ROGER -- I don't know, but I think we're finally going to get
what we came here for: the secret to success.

BABS -- Yup. Here it is. "Delight yourself in the Lord and he
will give you the desires of your heart."

ROGER -- (fading) Now, that's more like it! Now I can go home a 
happy man.

CHAR -- (fading) Wow! How did she do that?

BABS -- I know the author.

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