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LASTMAN  5'2m0f Confrontation with the last man to hear gospel

ED --   Hi, I'd like to tell you about the gospel. 

FRED -- Sorry, I'm busy. 

ED --   Well, this is pretty important. 

FRED -- I don't care. I don't want to hear it. 

ED --   Well, we're all pretty anxious to get this over with.

FRED -- I know what you're talking about and I don't want to 
hear it. 

ED --   But, why? This is really good news. 

FRED -- Why are you picking on me? Why don't you find someone 
else to share your really good news with? 

ED --   Because you're the last one. 

FRED -- The last what? 

ED --   You are now the only one left in the world who hasn't 
heard the gospel. 

FRED -- You're kidding. 

ED --   No. I'm glad to say that, thanks to radio, television, 
movies, and old fashioned missionaries, the gospel has been 
heard around the world. Everybody on earth has had a chance to 
make a decision, except you.... Why are you covering your ears?

FRED -- I don't want to hear it. Go away. 

ED --   Listen, I'll just give you the short version: it won't 
take but a minute. Then we can all go home and see the Lord 
face to face. 

FRED -- I told you, I don't want to hear it. I'm doing just fine 
the way I am. Go away. 

ED --   I don't understand. I have news that could give you 
eternal life. Take your hands off your ears, please. 

FRED -- I'm not listening. (sings) Lalalalalalalalalalala. 

ED --   Are you afraid of something? What are you afraid of?

FRED -- You said as soon as I hear the gospel it's over, right?

ED --   Right, but.... 

FRED -- Then, kiss off. I don't want to hear it.  (sings)
Lalalalalalalalalalala. 

ED --   Please take your hands off your ears. I need to ask you 
something. What's in the bag? 

FRED -- What? 

ED --   I said what's in the bag? You came out of that 7-11 
store carrying that bag.

FRED -- None of your business. Why can't you just leave me 
alone? 

ED --   I'm sorry. I'm not normally this aggressive about 
sharing the gospel. But, our computer shows that you are the 
only one in the whole world who hasn't heard the gospel yet. You 
are standing in the way of billions of people going to paradise 
and I want to know why. Now, what's in the bag? 

FRED -- Ah, it's not my bag. 

ED --   Yes, it is. I saw you come out of this 7-11 store with 
this bag in your hands. You put it down to cover your ears. Now, 
just tell me what's so important in your bag that you would keep 
us all waiting. 

FRED -- Ah, it's a prescription... for my... invalid grand 
mother. Yeah, that's it. Her health is way more important to me 
right now than paradise. So, you'll excuse me, now. I have to 
run to the hospital with this medicine. 

ED --   Nice try. 

FRED -- Nursing home. I said hospital. I meant nursing home.

ED --   Nice try. 

FRED -- What. 

ED --   They don't sell prescriptions in 7-11 stores. 

FRED -- No, but they do sell... candy. I came here from the drug 
store for candy for my sick mother. 

ED --   Nice try. 

FRED -- What. 

ED --   You said it was your GRANDmother in the nursing home.

FRED -- I gotta go. 

ED --   Just let me look in your bag and see why billions of 
people have to wait... (paper crumples) well look at that.... a 
six pack of beer and a playboy magazine. 

FRED -- Ooops! I must have switched bags with someone in the 
store. 

ED --   Nice try. The store is empty. You were the only customer 
in there.

FRED -- Alright! If you must know, I just spent my last ten 
bucks on a six pack of beer and a Playboy magazine, and I don't 
want to go anywhere until I've had my money's worth. 

ED --   So, that's it? 

FRED -- Come see me tomorrow. The beer will be gone and I'll be 
finished with the magazine. 

ED --   You'd make billions of Christians wait for heaven?

FRED -- You really mean it? They can't go until I say so?

ED --   I guess you might say that. 

FRED -- I've never had that much power before. Hey, I might even 
take TWO days to finish the beer. Maybe I'll just read one page 
of the magazine per day. 

ED --   You'd really do that? 

FRED -- What's so big about heaven, anyway? 

ED --   You really don't know? 

FRED -- Well,.... 

ED --   That's where Jesus is. You know who Jesus is, don't you? 
He's the son of God who came to earth to die for our sins and he 
rose from the dead to give you eternal life. 

(trumpets) 

FRED -- What was that? 

ED --   That's it. I told you the gospel. Jesus is coming to get 
his people and take them up to heaven with him. 

FRED -- Oh, man! I didn't even get to finish one beer yet!

ED --   You'd better hurry and decide. 

FRED -- Decide? Decide what? 

ED --   You need to decide whether you want to accept Jesus' 
gift of forgiveness of your sins. Because in a moment you won't 
be able to come with us. What'll it be: Jesus or beer and 
Playboy? 

FRED -- Oh, man, that was my last ten bucks! 

ED --   Hurry, time is running... 

(whoosh)

FRED -- Where'd he go? 


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