CAROLS   3'2m?f Christmas carols vs scripture

(phone dial tones, remote ring, click)

LILL -- (filtered) Public library.

BILL -- Ah, hi. I'm trying to look up some stuff in the Bible, 
but I can't find it. Can you help me find it?

LILL -- Why, yes, of course. We have a concordance. What did you 
want me to look up for you?

BILL -- Christmas. C... H... R... I... S....

LILL -- I think I know how to spell Christmas. But I can save 
us a lot of time. I happen to know that Christmas is not in 
the Bible.

BILL -- It isn't? But I thought...

LILL -- Well, the story of Christmas is in the Bible. But the 
word CHRISTMAS is not. 

BILL -- Oh.

LILL -- Thank you for calling.

BILL -- No, wait.

LILL -- Yes, sir?

BILL -- It wasn't really Christmas I wanted to look up. It was 
stuff about Christmas.

LILL -- What STUFF did you want to look up, sir.


LILL -- Did you say NOEL?

BILL -- Yeah, you know. (sings) The first Noel, the angels did 

LILL -- I'm familiar with the song, sir, but the word NOEL is 
not in the Bible.

BILL -- It isn't? How could that be?

LILL -- The New Testament is written in Greek, sir, but the word 
NOEL is french.

BILL -- Well, I'll be!

LILL -- Thank you for calling, sir.

BILL -- Wait. I have some more stuff to look up.

LILL -- I'm listening.

BILL -- Where is the stuff about silent night. You know, like 
(sings) Silent Night, Holy Night.

LILL -- Once again, sir, I can save you a lot of time. Silent 
night is not in the Bible.

BILL -- Not even the King James Version?

LILL -- Not even the King James Version, sir. As a matter of 
fact, there's a lot of evidence that the night was not silent at 

BILL -- It wasn't?

LILL -- No. According to the Bible, there was a loud chorus of 
angels singing praises to the new born king.

BILL -- Well, I'll be. So, it was the angels who sang sing FA LA 
LA LA LA LA LA, huh?

LILL -- It was more like "Glory to God in the highest."

BILL -- Oh.

LILL -- Thank you for calling, sir.

BILL -- If it wouldn't be too much trouble, could you look up 
some more stuff?

LILL -- Sure. Why not?

BILL -- Pa rum pum pum pum.

LILL -- Excuse me?

BILL -- (sings) Pa rum pum pum pum.

LILL -- Could you spell that, sir?

BILL -- No.

LILL -- No?

BILL -- Well, I'd love to. But, I have no idea. But it's the 
sound you make when you play the drum.

LILL -- The drum.

BILL -- Yeah, you know the little drummer boy.

LILL -- I'm sorry, but there is no entry in the concordance for 
either drum or drummer boy.

BILL -- I think you are badly mistaken. I happen to know that 
the ox and lamb kept time.

LILL -- Yes, well,...

BILL -- I suppose you're going to try to tell me that nobody in 
the stable where Jesus was born had green sleeves.

LILL -- Well, as a matter of fact...

BILL -- ...No chestnuts roasting on an open fire? No jack frost 
nipping at your nose?

LILL -- Well, no.

BILL -- Boy! Do you need a new concordance. Thanks a lot!

(hang up)

Next thing she be telling me is that there is no Santa Claus.

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