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SONG     3'1m1f A husband and wife discuss Song of Songs

HE --- (softly) Darling?

SHE -- Mmmm? Yes, hun?

HE --- I liken you my darling to a mare harnessed to a chariot.

SHE -- So, you think I'm an old nag, huh?

HE --- No, darling, I'm trying to pay you a compliment.

SHE -- Well, try another tack. That one fizzled.

HE --- My love to me is a sachet of myrrh.

SHE -- Thanks a lot!

HE --- What.

SHE -- You think of me as a bag of funeral spices? If you think 
I'm over the hill, just say so.

HE --- That's not what I meant. Let me try again. You are like a 
lily among the thorns, like an apple tree among the fruitless 
trees of the forest. Your fruit is sweet to taste.

SHE -- Well! I like that.

HE --- Like little foxes that ruin the vineyard. Oh, no, let's 
skip that one.

SHE -- Alright, what are you up to?

HE --- Nothing. I just wanted to be a little romantic.

SHE -- So, you turned to the Song of Songs in the Bible.

HE --- How did you know?

SHE -- You're not the only one who reads the Bible around here, 
you know.

HE --- Did you know that Solomon had over 700 wives?

SHE -- And several hundred concubines. He had women standing in 
line to marry him.

HE --- So, I figured if it worked for him, it should work for me.

SHE -- Okay, sweetheart, two can play that game. Let's read Song 
of Songs together.

HE --- You go first.

SHE -- My darling, you are like a gazelle, like a stag on the 
rugged hills.

HE --- Oooo. That was nice. Where did you read that from? 

SHE -- Over here on the right side.

HE --- Oh, yeah, here's one. My darling, your teeth are like a 
flock of newly shorn sheep.

SHE -- Is that good or bad?

HE --- Let me try another one.

SHE -- My turn. Darling, you are my honeycomb and my honey.

HE --- Why, thank you, darling. Ah, your hair is like flocks of 
goats.

SHE -- I just washed my hair!

HE --- Here's one. Ah, your temples are like halves of 
pomegrantes. 

SHE -- You really know how to put a girl in the mood.

HE --- How come you get all the good ones?

SHE -- Your legs are strong, like pillars of marble. Your arms 
like cedars of Lebanon.

HE --- (straining) You think so?

SHE -- You don't have to suck in your stomach for me anymore, 
darling. We're married, remember?

HE --- Yeah, that's right, we're married. So, hows about you and 
me, you know...

SHE -- (giggles) Let's read a few more. Your turn.

HE --- You're like a grove of nuts.

SHE -- (sighs) Oh, darling, how you do sweep me off my feet.

HE --- Your nose is like the Tower of Lebanon.

SHE -- You're so romantic when you hint that I need plastic 
surgery.

HE --- There's got to be a good one here somewhere. You found 
some. If only you were like a brother to me.

SHE -- Excuse me?

HE --- Song of Songs wasn't such a terrific idea after all.

SHE -- Turn the lights off.

HE --- Huh?

SHE -- I said turn the lights off.

HE --- Oh! You... ah.... Oh! So, you mean you want to ah....

(click)

SHE -- Now, darling, you may kiss my pomegrante halves (giggles). 

HE --- Do you really think my legs are like pillars of marble?

SHE -- Do you really think my nose is like the tower of Lebanon? 

HE --- You're not going to let this go, are you?

SHE -- Not as long as my hair is like herds of goats, buster.

HE --- Come on.

SHE -- Good night.

HE --- Good night.


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