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SOLOMON  5'2m?f An interview with Solomon on values.

FRED ---- Good evening and welcome to Open Forum, the talk show 
that interviews the brightest thinkers and greatest successes in 
history. I'm your host, Fred Thompson. Tonight's guest is both 
THE brightest thinker in history AND THE greatest success of all 
time. I am speaking, of course, of none other than King Solomon. 
Welcome to Open Forum, your majesty.

SOLOMON - Thanks, Fred.

FRED ---- I must admit that I have been looking forward to this 
interview with great anticipation, since my producer first 
announced that you agreed to come on the program.

SOLOMON - Well, it's a pleasure to be here.

FRED ---- I understand you're coming out with a new book 
shortly, your majesty.

SOLOMON - Yes, the book is called Ecclesiastes.

FRED ---- Well, as impressed as I was with your book of Proverbs 
and that very sensual book called Song of Songs, I must say I'm 
really looking forward to your new one. We'll talk about your 
new book at the end of the show. But right now, I have a list of 
questions as long as my arm about King Solomon, the man. Let's 
talk first about your lavish lifestyle. Is it true you have 700 
wives and hundreds of concubines?

SOLOMON - Yes, Fred, it's true.

FRED ---- So, tell our listeners, how do you decide which wife 
you will spend the night with.

SOLOMON - I don't.

FRED ---- You don't?

SOLOMON - Not anymore. 

FRED ---- May we ask why?

SOLOMON - It was all for pleasure. And pleasure is meaningless.

FRED ---- Meaningless.

SOLOMON - Yeah, meaningless. It doesn't lead anywhere. There are 
no lasting results. Pleasure is meaningless.

FRED ---- But, your majesty, among your wives are some of the 
most beautiful women in the world.

SOLOMON - Beauty is meaningless too. It doesn't lead anywhere. 
There are no lasting results from it. Beauty is absolutely 
meaningless.

FRED ---- You'll pardon me, your majesty, but you don't sound 
like the same man who wrote Song of Songs, that so poetically 
described the physical pleasure of the marriage relationship.

SOLOMON - Meaningless. All of it. I'm sorry I published such 
drivel.

FRED ---- Oh, dear.

SOLOMON - What's that matter?

FRED ---- Well, about half of the questions I have written here 
are about your wives and your lifestyle.

SOLOMON - Meaningless. All of it.

FRED ---- Yes, well, let's move on to some more serious 
pursuits. You have reached the pinnacle of your career. You are 
the most respected, the most revered man in the world. It is 
said that even the Queen of Sheba paid homage to you. Is that 
true?

SOLOMON - Yes, it is, Fred.

FRED ---- Well, how does it feel to be the most important man in 
the world?

SOLOMON - Achievement is meaningless.

FRED ---- Meaningless.

SOLOMON - It's all meaningless, Fred. The status, the 
importance, the advancement, all of it. Meaningless.

FRED ---- Uh huh. Well... there goes another ten questions. 
Well, let's see here, according to historians, early in your 
career, when the Lord told you that you could have ANYTHING you 
want, you chose wisdom. Now, scientists and scholars from all 
over the world come to seek your wisdom.

SOLOMON - Meaningless.

FRED ---- Wisdom is...

SOLOMON - Meaningless. That's right. I've spent a lifetime 
accumulating wisdom and when I croak, my wisdom will be gone.

FRED ---- But you worked so hard to put your wisdom down on 
paper. What about your books? What about the book of Proverbs 
and your new book...

SOLOMON - Ecclesiastes. Meaningless tripe. All of it. Wisdom and 
50 cents will by you a cup of coffee at McDonald's.

FRED ---- Is there no redeeming value in all the work you went 
through to write all those books?

SOLOMON - Toil. Toil is meaningless. Why make the effort?

FRED ---- Oh, dear.

SOLOMON - What's the matter now?

FRED ---- The rest of my questions were about your books. I'm 
out of questions. Isn't there anything that isn't meaningless?

SOLOMON - Nope.

FRED ---- This is depressing.

SOLOMON - Why?

FRED ---- Well, you just wrote off everything on Earth as 
meaningless.

SOLOMON - Boy, you got that right.

FRED ---- You sound happy about it.

SOLOMON - I am.

FRED ---- But why?

SOLOMON - I only have to spend a few years on earth in this 
frustrating meaninglessness, then I get to spend the rest of 
eternity with my Lord.

FRED ---- Well, now that you've eliminated all my questions, 
let's spend the rest of the hour talking about your new book. I 
believe you called it Ecclesiastes.

SOLOMON - Let's not bother. It's just a meaningless book.

FRED ---- How did I know you were going to say that?


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