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SIEGE    6'2m0f Elisha is blamed for siege and food shortages

(knock, knock, knock)

KING --- (snooty, wimpy) Go away, I'm busy.

(door open)

GEEVES - (British butler) I'm sorry to disturb you, your 
majesty.

KING --- What are you doing here, Geeves? I didn't send for you.

GEEVES - I have urgent news for you, your majesty.

KING --- Not now, Geeves, can't you see I'm playing dominoes    
with my newest concubine?

GEEVES - And a lovely girl she is, your majesty. But I need to 
report that Elisha the prophet predicts that our city will soon 
be under siege and that many in our city will starve to death.

KING --- He can't do that!

GEEVES - And why not, your majesty?

KING --- Because I was about to win my first game all day!

GEEVES - Yes, your majesty. I understand the hardships a king 
endures. Shall we prepare the city for a siege, sir?

KING --- Prepare for a siege. Good idea, Geeves.

GEEVES - And call out the army, sir?

KING --- Call out the army. Good idea.

GEEVES - And then, shall I prepare a status report for you, sir?

KING --- A status report. Splendid. A king needs a good status 
report every once in a while, doesn't he, Geeves?

GEEVES - Yes, your majesty. I'll get right to it.

(door close, knock, knock, knock)

KING --- Yes, come in. My dominoes game is ruined anyway.

(door open)

GEEVES - Your majesty, I am here with your status report.

KING --- That was fast. How very efficient of you, Geeves!

GEEVES - Thank you, your majesty, but I can't take all the 
credit. This comedy sketch is only five minutes long and we had 
to cut somewhere.

KING --- Yes, well, tell me the status of our siege, Geeves.

GEEVES - The Aramian army cut off the food shipments that were 
on their way to the city this morning. We'll be out of food in a 
few days, your majesty, just as Elisha the prophet predicted.

KING --- Oh, dear. Shall we surrender, Geeves?

GEEVES - No, your majesty. The Lord is on our side.

KING --- Oh.

GEEVES - I'll keep you posted on any further developments, your 
majesty.

(door close, knock, knock, knock)

KING --- Yes, come in.

(door open)

GEEVES - Although it seems like just a few seconds since my last 
report, your majesty, it's been weeks.

KING --- It has?

GEEVES - Go with me on this one, sir.

KING --- Okay.

GEEVES - Well, your majesty, the city has no more food. People 
are paying five shekels for a quarter bushel of discarded seed 
pods.

KING --- They eat those things?

GEEVES - They do now, sir. And they're paying 80 shekels for a 
donkey's head.

KING --- Don't tell me that they actually...

GEEVES - Yes, sir, I'm afraid it's come to that.

KING --- (fading) Excuse me, Geeves, I think I'm going to be 
sick.

GEEVES - I'll keep you posted. your majesty.

(door close, muffled vomiting, knock, knock, knock)

KING --- (weak) Yes, come in.

(door open) 

GEEVES - More bad news, your majesty.

KING --- How bad?

GEEVES - Worse than before?

KING --- What could be worse that eating donkey heads?

GEEVES - People are now eating their own children, your majesty. 

KING --- (gasps) Excuse, Geeves, I have to...

GEEVES - I'll keep you posted, your majesty.

(door close, muffled vomiting, knock, knock, knock)

KING --- (weak) Yes, Geeves, please come in.

(door open)

GEEVES - You wanted to see me sir?

KING --- Yes, Geeves, I want you to bring me that prophet of God 
named Elisha.

GEEVES - May I ask why, sir?

KING --- I think God is responsible for this siege of our city 
and all this starvation. And since Elisha is God's prophet, I'm 
going to cut off his head.

GEEVES - You're going to cut off his head?

KING --- Well, not me myself. It makes me nauseous just to think 
about it. But I am going to have somebody cut off his head.... 
somewhere where I can't see it.

GEEVES - Wouldn't it be better if you asked Elisha to ask God 
for help, rather than beheading the only one who can inquire of 
the Lord for you?

KING --- Yes, you're right, of course, Geeves. I'm so hungry, 
I'm not thinking straight. Go and see if he can help us out of 
this situation. If he can't, THEN have him beheaded... on the 
other side of town.

GEEVES - Yes, your majesty. I'll get right on it.

(door close, knock, knock, knock)

KING --- Is that you, Geeves?

(door open)

GEEVES - Yes, your majesty.

KING --- Well, Geeves, did you have Elisha beheaded? On second 
thought, I don't want to know.

GEEVES - No, your majesty. Elisha is still in one piece. And he 
says that our city will be back to normal by tomorrow.

KING --- Do you believe that, Geeves? I mean, the city has been 
under siege for weeks. And now, when Elisha's facing death, all 
of a sudden he prophecies something that will save his head? 
Pfff, I'm sure.

GEEVES - Well, we only have one day before we find out, your 
majesty. I'll report back tomorrow.

(door close)

KING --- Oh, Geeves?!

(door open)

GEEVES - Yes, your majesty?

KING --- You wouldn't just happen to have something to eat for a 
starving king, would you?

GEEVES - Just a donkey's head, sir.

KING --- (fading) Thank you, Geeves, but I'm not hungry anymore.

GEEVES - I'll see you tomorrow, your majesty.

(door close, muffled vomiting, knock, knock, knock)

KING --- Please come in, Geeves.

(open door, close)

GEEVES - I have news, your majesty.

KING --- Alright, Geeves, let's set up some ground rules, here. 
Not one word about donkey's heads or eating children, alright?

GEEVES - This is good news, your majesty. Not only is King Ben 
Hadad and his entire Aramian army gone, but they left in such a 
hurry that they left all their food and many of their weapons 
behind. It's a veritable mountain of food. It was just as the 
Lord God predicted through Elisha: the city is back to normal.

KING --- How could this happen. Why would an entire army leave 
and not take their food?

GEEVES - Elisha says the Lord made a huge noise like the 
thunder of thousands of horse hooves in the distance. Ben Hadad 
thought it was the Egyptian army coming to rescue you, so they 
fled for their lives.

KING --- And now we have plenty of food again. Isn't that 
wonderful Geeves?

GEEVES - Yes, sir. I had our troops bring you some of the first 
food we plundered from the enemy. 

(door open)

Alright men, bring in the food. Enjoy your meal, your majesty.

KING --- Donkey's heads?! 

(door close)

(vomits afar)


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