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SARAH    2'1m1f Sarah's messages on God's answering machine

(all voices are masked to sound like phone)

GOD -- (beep) This is the Lord God, Elohim. If you have a 
message for any of the three of us, leave it after the beep.

SARAH -- (beep) Hello, Lord? This is Sarah, Abraham's wife. 
Remember me? You promised us that if we moved to the promised 
land, Abraham would be the father of many nations. Well, we're 
here in the promised land and I'm still not pregnant. Call me. 
You know the number. Love you. Mean it. 

(click, buzz)

SARAH -- (beep) God, this is Sarah again. Listen, it's been a 
long time and I still haven't heard from you. We've been all the 
way down to Egypt and back and I'm still not pregnant. Maybe you 
don't know how this works, Lord. See, in order for Abraham to be 
the father of many nations, I have to get pregnant. Call me. 

(click, buzz)

SARAH -- (beep) Lord, this is Sarah... Again. If your listening, 
pick up will you? I know you're there, Lord. There's three of 
you, so one of you has to be home. Pick up, huh? (pause) I know 
you're up there, Lord, because I just saw you drop fire and 
brimstone on Sodom and Gomorrah. Pick up the phone, huh? (pause) 
Alright, I'll leave a message, then. Here's the message. 
(shouts) I'm not pregnant! 

(click, buzz)

SARAH -- (beep) Lord, it's me again. You know, I'm really 
getting tired of calling. Your machine must be out of tape! 
Lord, we're getting desperate down here. I'm no spring chicken, 
you know. Tick, tock, tick, tock. You hear what I'm saying? 

(click, buzz)

SARAH -- (beep) Alright, Lord, I got tired of waiting and I took 
matters into my own hands. I had my husband make a baby with my 
maidservant. Thanks, anyway, Lord. 

(click, buzz)

SARAH -- (beep, baby fussing in the background) Hey, Lord, guess 
what I've got. You're not going to believe it. Oh, I guess you 
are, you're God. You already know everything. (chuckles) Well, 
anyways, I have a baby right here in my arms... and it's not my 
maidservant's baby either. (laughs) Can you believe this? I'm 
ninety years old and I had a baby of my own. Me. (laughs) 

(click, buzz)

SARAH -- (beep) Oh, by the way, Lord, thanks.

(click, buzz)


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