BACK

RACHEL   5'2m0f Laban tricks Jacob into marrying both daughters

JACOB - (door open) Hi, Uncle Laban.

LABAN - Jacob, my boy, you've lived with us for over a month 
now. How do you like it here?

JACOB - I like it just fine, Uncle Laban, especially your 
daughter Rachel. Wo! What a babe!

LABAN - So I've noticed.

JACOB - Oh, I've never laid a hand on her, Uncle Laban, I 
swear.

LABAN - I tell you what, Jacob, if you tend my sheep for 7 
years, I'll let you marry... my daughter.

JACOB - Seven years!?

LABAN - Seven years will fly by. You'll see.

JACOB - Yeah, okay. 

LABAN - Shake on it?

JACOB - Yeah. Seven years will fly by.

LABAN - Well, what are you waiting for? You have some sheep to 
attend to.

JACOB - Okay. 

(door close, door open) 

Well, you were right, Uncle Laban, seven years just flew by.

LABAN - That was seven years?

JACOB - This is radio, Uncle Laban. Time goes a lot faster in 
radio.

LABAN - So it does.

JACOB - Well, can I marry your daughter now?

LABAN - Yup, she's in the bedroom. I now pronounce you husband 
and wife. Hit the sack.

JACOB - Oh, boy! 

(door close, door open) 

Uncle Laban, there's been a mistake. I wanted to marry Rachel. 
That's not Rachel in there. That's Leah.

LABAN - Don't be so picky, boy. Leah will bear you many sons.

JACOB - Yeah, but I wanted Rachel.

LABAN - When we shook hands, I promised that you could marry my 
daughter. I didn't say which one. So, Leah is the one you get.

JACOB - Yeah, but Rachel is pretty. Leah is... Leah is...

LABAN - I know she's ugly, boy. But if you think she's ugly now, 
you should have seen her when she was born. The doctor slapped 
the wrong end. And we never knew the difference until she grew 
teeth. But, Leah is my older daughter and you can't marry my 
younger daughter until my older daughter is married. And it 
might as well be you who marries them both.

JACOB - Oh, man! Not only is she ugly, but she almost as blind 
as a bat.

LABAN - No problem. I was thinking of marrying off both my 
daughters to the farmer down the road. Let's see, what was his 
name again?

JACOB - Alright, I'll marry them both. Where is Rachel?

LABAN - You can worry about her when you get back from your 
honeymoon with Leah.

JACOB - Oh, man!

LABAN - Let's see, what was the name of that farmer down the 
road?

JACOB - Alright. I'm on my honeymoon with Leah. 

(door close, door open) 

Alright, we're back. Can I marry Rachel now?  

LABAN - Sure. She's in the other bedroom.

JACOB - Alright!

LABAN - Not so fast, there, Jacob. We haven't negotiated the 
deal for Rachel.

JACOB - But, I just worked seven years....

LABAN - That was for Leah. I figure seven more years ought to be 
about right for Rachel. What do you think?

JACOB - Oh, man!

LABAN - (shouts) Rachel, go fetch that farmer from down the 
road.

JACOB - Alright. I'll do it. But can I marry her now?

LABAN - Sure, I'm a pushover. Have a nice...

JACOB - ...(yelps) (door close)

LABAN - ...honeymoon.

JACOB - (door open) Hey, that was fun.

LABAN - You have a baby already?

JACOB - Of course.

LABAN - I know, don't tell me. This is radio. Well, it looks 
like you and Rachel did alright.

JACOB - Well, this is Leah's baby. His name is Reuben. But 
Rachel and I will try again. Come on, Rachel. Bye.

(door close, door open)

JACOB - Hi, Uncle Laban.

LABAN - Another baby?

JACOB - Yeah, but this one's Leah's too. His name is Levi, you 
know, like the blue jeans? Well, Rachel and I are gonna keep on 
trying. Come on Rachel. 

(door close, door open)

LABAN - Leah's had ANOTHER baby?

JACOB - Naw, Rachel made me sleep with her maid. This baby's 
name is Dan. But Rachel and I will try again. Right Rachel? 

(door close, door open)

LABAN - This baby looks like Rachel's maid too.

JACOB - It is. His name is Naphtali. Come on, Rachel. 

(door close, door open) 

LABAN - Well, this baby doesn't look like Rachel's maid. But 
then it doesn't look like Rachel either.

JACOB - Leah's maid. His name is Gad. E gad. 

(door close, door open)

LABAN - Leah's maid again?

JACOB - Uh huh. His name is Asher.

LABAN - Well, what are you waiting for? Rachel doesn't have a 
baby yet.

JACOB - I'm tired.

LABAN - Get going.

(close door, door open)

LABAN - Well, at least this baby looks like one of the family.

JACOB - Leah. His name is Issachar. Can I please stay here.

LABAN - Out! 

(close door, door open) 

Leah's again?

JACOB - His name is Zebulan. Please don't make me go.

LABAN - Hey, you were the one who wanted the good looking one. 
Get going. 

(close door, door open) 

Well, it's a girl! Leah's again?

JACOB - Uh huh. Her name is Dinah. I just need some sleep. 

LABAN - Out.

JACOB - Alright, I'm going. 

(close door, door open) 

(Cheery) Hello, Uncle Laban!

LABAN - Well, it looks like God finally smiled down on you.

JACOB - Yes, indeed. Rachel had a baby. His name is Joseph. Bye.

LABAN - Where are you going? Aren't you going to stay and 
celebrate?

JACOB - (afar) No, I'm going to get some sleep. 

(baby cries) 

Oh, no!


2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it.
Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances.
You may reproduce and distribute this script freely,
but all copies must contain this copyright statement.
http://www.bobsnook.org  email: bob@bobsnook.org

BACK