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KORAH    4'0m2f Korah rebels against Moses' leadership

(footsteps in sand)

ETHEL ---- (Bronx accent, panting) Where are you taking us, 
Natasha? 

NATASHA -- (Romanian gypsy) Patience, darrrlinG, we'rrre almost 
therrre.

ETHEL ---- You didn't say nothin' about having to walk when we 
paid you the 10 drachmas. How far to we have to walk, anyways?

NATASHA -- Just to the top of this hill, darrrlinG, wherrre you 
vill be able watch to me do my magic amonG yourrr own people 
below.

ETHEL ---- (pants) Alright, honey, we can see the entire 
encampment from here. Now let's see a magic show we paid for.

NATASHA -- Patience, darrrlinG, you can't rush genius.

ETHEL ---- Honey, at 10 drachmas each, the 30 of us paid you a 
total of 300 drachmas. For 300 hundred drachmas we can rush 
genius a little.

NATASHA -- Therrre! It's beginninG to happen.

ETHEL ---- What, you mean, Moses and Aaron are lying face down 
in the dirt? That's not magic. They do that every time they 
pray. Give us our money back.

NATASHA -- No, darrrlinG, vatch ze thrrree men in frrront of 
Aarrron and Moses.

ETHEL ---- Who? You mean Korah?

NATASHA -- Yes, darrrlinG, and Dathan and Abirrram. They have 
been rebellious, so I vill now cause ze earth to open up und 
swallow zem.

(roar)

See? Is zat magic or vhat?

ETHEL ---- How did you do that?

NATASHA -- It's all in ze wrrrrist, darrrlinG. Now, Look overrr 
zer.

ETHEL ---- Where? You mean over there, where Moses and Aaron are 
laying face down in the dirt again? 

NATASHA -- No, no, silly voman, look in frrront of Moses and 
Aarrron. The 250 men holding lanterrrns.

ETHEL ---- Those aren't lanterns, honey. Those are censors. They 
burn incense to the Lord.

NATASHA -- I knew zat. Anyvays, those men are also rrrebellious. 
So, I vill now send firrre from ze sky unt burn zose men to a 
crrrisp.

(roar)

ETHEL ---- I think I'm going to be sick. How did you do that?

NATASHA -- Vait, zere's morrre. Look over zere. See ze mob 
gathering at ze tent of meeting?

ETHEL ---- Yes, there must be thousands of them.

NATASHA -- Zey are rrrebellious too. 

ETHEL ---- Look, Moses and Aaron are over there now, laying flat 
on their faces in the dust again. Is that part of your magic 
act?

NATASHA -- Pay no attention to zem, darrrlinG. Pay attention to 
my magic. I vill now strrrike down 17000 of ze rebellious people 
vis ze plague.

(group moaning)

ETHEL ---- They're dropping like flies. How did you do that?

NATASHA -- Boy, I'm good! I should rrraise my rrrates. Okay, 
zat's ze show for today. Tell your friends about Madame Natasha's 
magic show. I'll do a matinee on Sunday.

ETHEL ---- Hey, wait a minute. Everywhere you did your magic, 
Moses and Aaron were there too, lying face down in the dirt.

NATASHA -- Strrrickly coincidence, darrrlinG. 

ETHEL ---- By the way, didn't I see you hanging around the tents 
of Moses and Aaron this morning?

NATASHA -- No. You must have mistaken me for someone else.

ETHEL ---- How many Romanian gypsies do you see hanging around 
the Hebrew camp, honey?

NATASHA -- I just rrrememberrred. I have an appointment.

ETHEL ---- Not so fast, there, Honey. I saw you peeking into 
their tents during their prayers to the Lord, didn't I?

NATASHA -- I... Oh, gee, I'm late. I really must...

ETHEL ---- Hold on there, toots. It wasn't YOU doing those 
things, at all, was it, Honey?

NATASHA -- God knows.

ETHEL ---- Yes, he does. It was God doing all those things and 
YOU took credit for them and charged us 10 drachmas each. Give 
us our money back.

NATASHA -- Stand back! Or I'll have ze grrround open up and 
svallow you too!

ETHEL ---- I have nothing to fear, Honey, I didn't claim credit 
for doing the work that the Lord really did.

NATASHA -- Alrrright, back off, ladies. Abrrra Kadabrrra. Hokus 
Pokus. The ground vill now open up and svallow... woooooooooooo!

(roar)

(footsteps in sand)

ETHEL ---- (fading) Just my luck. The earth swallowed her up 
before I could get my money back.


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