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HOREB    5'2m0f Elijah goes to Horeb but doesn't stay long

(voices on reverb)

GOD ----- Elijah.... Elijah, wake up.

ELIJAH -- (groans) Not now, I'm sleeping. 

GOD ----- Elijah, wake up.

ELIJAH -- (groans) Maybe in the morning.

GOD ----- It IS morning. Get up.

ELIJAH -- (groans) No, it's not. It's pitch dark.

GOD ----- You're in a cave at Mount Horeb.

ELIJAH -- Oh, that's right, the mountain of the Lord. I 
remember. Boy, was I out cold. Man! It took me 40 days to get 
here and I'm still tired. (yawns) Maybe I'll just lay here for 
another 40 winks.

GOD ----- You've had enough sleep. Get up.

ELIJAH -- How do you know I've had enough sleep? Who are you? 
What are you doing in my cave?

GOD ----- You're a prophet of God and you don't know who I am?

ELIJAH -- Ooo! Ooo! You're the reason I came here. Let me light 
a match, so can see your face. Oh, I don't have a match.

GOD ----- That's because matches haven't been invented yet.

ELIJAH -- Oh. Well, how am I going to see you then?

GOD ----- You can't.

ELIJAH -- Well, I didn't walk all the way out here in the 
desert for 40 days just so I could tell the folks back home 
that I heard the voice of God. Come on, give me a little peak.

GOD ----- If you see me, you'll die.

ELIJAH -- On the other hand, talking is nice. So, what do you 
want to talk about?

GOD ----- Get up and come outside.

ELIJAH -- It's comfortable here. Can't we just talk in here?

GOD ----- I'm going to pass be the mountain. You wouldn't want 
to miss that would you?

ELIJAH -- Maybe I could get a glimpse of you when you pass by 
huh?

GOD ----- Don't hold your breath.

ELIJAH -- Alright, I'm coming. Don't pass by until I get there.

(footsteps, reverb off) 

Ooooooo! It's bright outside! Okay, Lord, I'm at the mouth of 
the cave. Go ahead and pass by.

GOD ----- (reverb) You might want to hold onto your hat.

ELIJAH -- My hat? Why would I want to hold onto my.... 

(whooosh) 

Wo! I never saw a wind tear apart rocks before. 

(whoosh fades) 

So, was that you, Lord? Were you in the wind? I didn't see a 
thing.

GOD ----- No. I wasn't in the wind. But you'd better grab hold 
of something. I'm still passing by.

ELIJAH -- Grab hold of something? But Why? The wind is almost 
calm... 

(rumble)

(makes a wobbly sound with his mouth as he speaks) Wo! Lord, you 
might have mentioned that there'd be an earthquake. 

(rumbling subsides)

Whew! I've never felt an earthquake like that before! So, ah, 
were you in the earthquake, Lord?

GOD ----- No, I wasn't in he earthquake, Elijah. But, you'd 
better cover your face now, I'm still passing by.

ELIJAH -- Cover my face? Well, how can I see you if I cover 
my... 

(roar) 

Holy Smokes! You burned up some rocks with that fire and singed 
my eyebrows. 

(roar subsides) 

(speaks muffled) Are you done yet?

GOD ----- Yes. I have passed by.

ELIJAH -- So, you were in the fire, weren't you, Lord? Just like 
the burning bush for Moses. Yeah, that was it. You were in the 
fire. Moses saw the burning bush right here at Mount Horeb. So 
that must have been you in the fire.

GOD ----- No, Elijah. I was just passing by.

ELIJAH -- Oh.

GOD ----- So, Elijah, baby...

ELIJAH -- Yes, Lord?

GOD ----- Do you know now why I brought you here?

ELIJAH -- Can I have a clue?

GOD ----- (Booming) I just gave you three clues, knuckle head!

ELIJAH -- Alright! Alright! You don't have to shout. I think I 
got it now. You brought me here to remind me how how powerful 
you are.

GOD ----- Bingo.

ELIJAH -- Am I allowed to ask why?

GOD ----- Forty days ago, before you came out here, you asked me 
to kill you.

ELIJAH -- Yeah, hey, listen, I can explain that... I...

GOD ----- You forgot how powerful I am. Immediately after I sent 
fire to burn up the sacrifice in front of those 400 priests of 
Baal, you forgot how powerful I was. After you soaked the 
sacrifice and the fire wood with water and I still burned it up 
along with the altar. But you immediately forget how powerful I 
was.

ELIJAH -- Well, FORGOT is a little harsh, Lord. I'll admit that 
it slipped my mind a little... but...

GOD ----- I delivered you while hundreds of other prophets were 
being murdered. I raised a little boy from the dead for you, but 
as soon as Jezebel started chasing you, you became terrified.

ELIJAH -- Okay, maybe I was a little concerned...

GOD ----- You wet your pants.

ELIJAH -- You saw that?

GOD ----- It's time for you to go.

ELIJAH -- But, I just got here.

GOD ----- You saw what I brought you here to see. Now, it's time 
for you to go.

ELIJAH -- Well, this cave is kind of cozy. I was thinking maybe 
just a couple more days of vacation....

GOD ----- (booming) Get going!

ELIJAH -- Alright, alright, I'm going. Maybe before I go you 
could show me the burning bush of Moses. I always wanted to see 
the...

GOD ----- (booming) Get going!

ELIJAH -- Alright, alright, I'm going. (fading) I guess I can 
come back and see the burning bush anytime... Anytime I don't 
know what to do with 80 days of my life. Fat chance I'll ever 
get back here again.


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