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GOLIATH  4'1m1f David confronts the Philistine giant

GOLIATH -- (cowboy accent) Alright, you yella bellied Hebrews. 
I'm calling you out again. Come out and face me down. Or are you 
YELLOW?! (pause) I knew it. There ain't a real man among you. 
You know what they're sayin' all over Canaan? They're sayin' 
that you Hebrews ain't got the stones to conquer Canaan. 
They're sayin' you're chicken (chicken clucking). Do you hear 
me, Hebrews? I'm sayin' you're YELLOW. I'm sayin' you're lily 
livered cowards. And further more, you've got a puny little god.

DAVID ---- (child's voice, cowboy accent) Alright, Goliath, 
I've heard enough out of you.

GOLIATH -- Well, looky here. The only one man enough to face me 
is a boy. What's your name, boy.

DAVID ---- My name is David. And I ain't no boy. I've been 
through my bar mitzvah.

GOLIATH -- Well, la de da. (shouts) Is this the way you save 
face, Hebrews, sendin' a boy to do a man's work?

DAVID ---- I told you. I ain't no boy. Don't make me mad.

GOLIATH -- You got me shakin' in my boots, boy.

DAVID ---- I would prefer not to kill you. So, if you'll 
apologize, I won't have to.

GOLIATH -- (laughs) Look at me. I'm scared to death. (shouts) 
Wait till I tell the boys in the saloon about this battle, 
Hebrews. You'll be the laughing stock of Canaan.

DAVID ---- You gonna apologize or do I have to kill you?

GOLIATH -- Apologize? Apologize for what? (shouts) Should I 
apologize for calling you yellow bellied chickens? Or should I 
apologize for lily livered cowards? (laughs)

DAVID ---- You should apologize for calling the God of Israel 
puny and little.

GOLIATH -- And why should I?

DAVID ---- He created the world, you know. He opened up the Red 
Sea and let us Hebrews pass, then he drowned the entire Egyptian 
army. And he can do the same to you Philistines too.

GOLIATH -- Well, jeepers, I'm so scared I think I might wet my 
pants.

DAVID ---- So, are you going to apologize? Or am I going to have 
to kill you.

GOLIATH -- How you gonna kill me, boy? You ain't got a sword.

DAVID ---- No. I couldn't carry a sword this far. It was too 
heavy.

GOLIATH -- Then, what are you gonna do, talk me to death?

DAVID ---- No. I'm going to kill you with this sling shot.

GOLIATH -- Golly, gee, if Ida knowed what a arsenal you had, I 
would have apologized long ago. (laughs) So, what are you gonna 
sling at me, boy? The dreaded lethal acorns? (laughs)

DAVID ---- No, I chose 5 smooth stones.

GOLIATH -- Five smooth stones? Oh, feel how sweaty my arm pits 
is. I am terrible afeared.

DAVID ---- But, I'll only need one stone. The Lord is with me.

GOLIATH -- Oh, the Lord, huh? (shouts) You mean that puny little 
god of yours?

DAVID ---- That's it! Now you've made me mad. It's bad enough 
you insult my people for 40 days in a row. But now you insult my 
God. You have to die.

GOLIATH -- Well, if you're usin' a sling shot with a smooth 
stone, I'd better head for cover. I'm sure my bronze helmet and 
a hundred pounds of bronze armor is no match for you.

DAVID ---- You can make fun of me all you want, Goliath, because 
in a minute you're gonna die.

GOLIATH -- You'd better let me have it now, boy. Because if you 
miss, I'm gonna tear your limb from limb and feed you to the 
buzzards.

DAVID ---- (whirring sound) May the Lord guide this stone to its 
target.

GOLIATH -- Remember, kid, aim high. I'm over 9 feet tall. (laughs) 

DAVID ---- Take that you big galoot!

(whoosh, thud) 

GOLIATH -- Oh, sure, hit me where I ain't covered by no armor. 
Argh. Anybody got a aspirin? I got me a terrible headache.

(crash)


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