DEBORAH  5'1m1f Prophetess has to push Barak into battle.

BARAK ---- (The voice of Deputy Dog) You wanted to see me, 

DEBORAH -- Lightning! How nice of you to come.

BARAK ---- My name is Barak. You just call me Lightning to make 
fun of me.

DEBORAH -- No, Barak, I call you Lightning because that's what 
your name means in Hebrew.

BARAK ---- Oh, yes, well, how may I serve you, Deborah?

DEBORAH -- The Lord wants you to conquer the Canaanites.

BARAK ---- (chokes, coughs) Excuse me. I thought you said the 
Lord wants me to conquer the Canaanites.

DEBORAH -- I did.

BARAK ---- (fading chokes, coughs)

DEBORAH -- Where are you going?

BARAK ---- (afar) I'm going to find out who you REALLY wanted 
to talk to.

DEBORAH -- I wanted to talk to you, Lightning. You're the one 
God chose to conquer the Canaanites.

BARAK ---- (near) You're talking about the same Canaanites that 
I'm talking about?

DEBORAH -- Well, yes, of course.

BARAK ---- Did you realize that the Canaanite army has 900 
hundred iron chariots?

DEBORAH -- Well, everyone knows that.

BARAK ---- Did you know that Canaanite commander Sisera is 
the shrewdest and most ruthless military strategist in the 

DEBORAH -- Yes. Everyone has heard of Sisera.

BARAK ---- And you want me to conquer him?

DEBORAH -- Not me. The Lord.

BARAK ---- I think I'd better sit down.

DEBORAH -- What's the matter?

BARAK ---- This isn't happening.

DEBORAH -- Lightning, would I lie to you?

BARAK ---- Well, no.

DEBORAH -- How do you know I wouldn't lie to you?

BARAK ---- You're a prophet of God. You always tell the truth.

DEBORAH -- So, if I tell you that you can't lose if you attack 
Sisera, do you have believe it?

BARAK ---- I guess so.

DEBORAH -- So, get going.

BARAK ---- But, you didn't say it yet.

DEBORAH -- Say what?

BARAK ---- That I can't lose.

DEBORAH -- Alright, here it is. You can't lose.

BARAK ---- (fading) Oh, yes, I can. Sisera has 900 iron chariots.

DEBORAH -- Lightning! Come back here.

BARAK ---- (near) Please don't yell at me.

DEBORAH -- What do you want from me? I just gave you assurances 
from the Lord that you can't lose. What more do you want?

BARAK ---- I want you to go with me.

DEBORAH -- Lightning!

BARAK ---- Please?

DEBORAH -- Alright, I'll go with you. But because you're such a 
wimp, the Lord will hand over Sisera himself to a woman instead 
of to you.

BARAK ---- Anything you say. Just don't leave me.


DEBORAH -- Well, here we are.

BARAK ---- The battle is over already?

DEBORAH -- Yes, this is radio, remember?

BARAK ---- Oh, yes. Ooooo. Look at all those dead bodies. I 
think I'm going to be sick.

DEBORAH -- You can't be sick yet.

BARAK ---- Why not?

DEBORAH -- Because Sisera has not been handed over to us yet.

BARAK ---- Sisera is here?! (screams)

DEBORAH -- Get off me! 

BARAK ---- I'm sorry. I lost my head. You know they say he's 

DEBORAH -- Not anymore. A woman captured him.

BARAK ---- Naw, you're just poking fun at me.

DEBORAH -- No, I'm not. He's in that tent, over there.

BARAK ---- (afar) That's nice.

DEBORAH -- Where are you going? 

BARAK ---- (afar) You said Sisera is over there. So I'm going over 

DEBORAH -- Lightning, you just amaze me. The Lord has just given 
Sisera into our hands and you still won't face him. Come back 

BARAK ---- (near) If that's Sisera's tent, there's armed guards 
and maybe dogs. I'm not very good with dogs.

DEBORAH -- It's not Sisera's tent. Sisera hid in a tent 
belonging to Heber. His wife Jael is the one who conquered 
Commander Sisera.

BARAK ---- You're sure?

DEBORAH -- I'm a prophet.

BARAK ---- Are you sure you're a prophet?

DEBORAH -- Lightning!

BARAK ---- Alright, I'm going, I'm going. But if I die, I'll 
never speak to you again.

DEBORAH -- Just throw back the tent flap. 

BARAK ---- You're sure?

DEBORAH -- Lightning!

BARAK ---- (fading) Alright, alright. I'll... just... throw... back... 
Ooooo.  I think I'm going to be sick.

DEBORAH -- What's the matter?

BARAK ---- (afar) There's a tent stake in Sisera's head. Poor 
guy had an accident.

DEBORAH -- That was no accident. It was a fulfillment of God's 
prophecy. After Sisera fell asleep, Heber's wife Jael drove the 
tent stake through his head with a hammer.

BARAK ---- (afar) I think I'm going to be sick.

DEBORAH -- Not now, please. I have to sing a song unto the Lord. 
(sings) I will make music unto the Lord.

BARAK ---- (vomits loudly, afar)

DEBORAH -- (fading) On second thought, maybe later. This song 
doesn't need accompaniment.

2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
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