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COVENANT 4'2m1f The Lord gave Abram circumcision. Snip.

SAR --  (old, Bronx Accent) So, Abram, wanna go to bed and fool 
around?

ABE --  (old, Bronx accent) Sarai, you little dickens. You're 
acting like a 60-year-old. You're almost 90.

SAR --  So, that doesn't mean we can't have a little roll in the 
hay.

ABE --  I'm almost 100 years old. The last time we hit the sack 
in the middle of the afternoon I forgot why we were there.

SAR --  But, I reminded you didn't I, honey.

ABE --  Answer the door.

SAR --  Nobody knocked. Are you hearing things?

ABE --  No, I'm a prophet, remember? 

(knock, knock)

SAR --  What great timing. A door to door salesman. I'll get rid 
of him.

ABE --  (afar) It's no salesman.

SAR --  Abram, honey, why are you on your hands and knees?

ABE --  (afar) You'd better get down on your hands and knees 
too, Sarai. That's the Lord God Almighty himself at the door.

SAR --  Someone has to open the door, Abram.

ABE --  (afar) Well, hurry and open it then and get down here 
beside me.

SAR --  (fading) Well, alright, but I'm not very good at that 
hands and knees stuff as you are, Abram. 

(open door, hurried footsteps) 

(near) Oh, dear.

ABE --  (near, whisper) What's the matter?

SAR --  (whispers) The house is a mess. What will he think?

ABE --  (whispers) Be quiet, let the Lord speak.

LORD -- Greetings, Abram and Sarai.

SAR --  Hi. Are you, you know, are you him?

LORD -- I am the Lord God Almighty. Walk before me blameless.

SAR --  He doesn't ask for much does he?

ABE --  Shshshsh.

SAR --  Abram, do you think a roll in the hay in the middle of 
the afternoon is blameless?

ABE --  Sarai, be quiet. He's talking.

SAR --  Sorry.

LORD -- I will confirm my convenant between you and me and I 
will greatly increase your numbers. Abram, you will no longer be 
called Abram. You're name will be Abraham

SAR --  After 100 years you change his name? You can't teach an 
old dog new tricks, you know.

ABE --  Sarai, hush.

LORD -- And you, Sarai, you will no longer be called Sarai. Your 
name will be Sarah.

SAR --  Can we move this along a little faster? My knees are 
are beginning to bother me.

ABE --  Sarah!

SAR --  Well, I'm 80 years old, my knees have gotten a little 
bony. What do you want from me?

LORD -- I will bless you and give you a son.

SAR --  (laughs) Did he say I'll have a son? That's very funny.

ABE --  Sarah, knock it off, you're in the presence of the Lord.

SAR --  (laughs) I can't help it. Have you looked at me lately? 
I have more wrinkles than our dirty laundry and he says I'm 
going to have a baby. (laughs)

ABE --  Sarah, is this any way to treat the Lord, by laughing 
at him.

SAR --  Okay, okay. I'll stop laughing. (laughs) No, really, 
I'll stop laughing, right now. (laughs)

LORD -- Just for that, you have to call your baby LAUGHTER.

ABE --  Now see what you've done, Sarah!

SAR --  He's kidding, isn't he, Abram. You're kidding aren't 
you, Lord. You wouldn't really hang a name like that on a kid, 
would you?

ABE --  My name is Abraham, Sarah, and he's not kidding.

SAR --  Then, he must be talking about Ishmael, your son by our 
servant, Hagar. He just made a mistake, right?

ABE --  The Lord does not make mistakes, Sarah. Now please be 
quiet.

LORD -- Ishmael will give birth to many nations also, but my 
covenant is not with him. By this time next year, you will have 
your own baby.

SAR --  Sorry, Lord, honey, but we've already tried that. I've 
got bad plumbing. And, in case you haven't noticed, I'm 90 years 
old.

ABE --  Sarah! For crying out loud, be quiet. It's going to me a 
miracle.

SAR --  Boy, I'll say. (laughs)

LORD -- As a sign of my covenant with you, YOU must circumcise 
every male member of your household.

ABE --  circumcise? What's that? 

SAR --  Let me whisper it in your ear, Abram, honey. 
(spspspspspspsp)

ABE --  You have to cut the WHAT off my WHAT?

SAR --  (laughs)

ABE --  Lord, is there any way we can... He's gone. Where did he 
go?

SAR --  None to soon, my knees were killing me. Well, let's roll 
up our SLEEVES and get started, huh? (laughs) How do you want 
this? Shall I take a little off the side? (laughs)

ABE --  (fading) Sarah, what are you doing with that knife?
Sarah! Sarah. Sarah! Sarah!!


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