BALAAM   5'1m1f His donkey prevents Balaam's curse on Israel

Balaam -- Mandy. Mandy, wake up. Mandy!

Mandy --- Ehaw.

Balaam -- Mandy, you lazy donkey, wake up!

Mandy --- Ehaw. (yawns) Balaam there are times I wish I could 
talk, so I could give him a piece of my mind.

Balaam -- Come on, Mandy, get up! Mandy, sometimes I wish you 
could talk, so I could tell you what a lazy donkey you are.

Mandy --- Ehaw. Lazy? I've been your donkey for 11 years. And 
now, all of a sudden, because you want to leave before the crack 
of dawn, you call me lazy?! Ehaw. I'll show you lazy, buster.

Balaam -- Come on, girl, get up off that straw! (slap)

Mandy --- Ehaw. Don't poke me, Balaam. Ehaw, alright I'm getting 
up. See, I'm up. I'm up.

Balaam -- Good girl, Mandy. Now stand still, while I mount up.

Mandy --- Ehaw, I wonder if you'd be so anxious to leave before 
the crack of dawn if I was doing the riding and you were doing 
the walking.

Balaam -- There! All set. Okay, Mandy, girl. (clicks tongue, 
slaps) Let's go.

Mandy --- Ehaw, alright, alright, I'm going. Quit kicking. So, 
where are we going? What was so all-fired important that we had 
to leave before dawn? East. Ehaw. East?! You're not going to 
Moab are you?

Balaam -- (clicks tongue) Come on girl, pick up the pace. It's a 
long way to Moab.

Mandy --- Ehaw, so what's a God-fearing man like you going to do 
in a pagan pit like Moab?

Balaam -- I should have told them flat out, NO, NO, I'm not 
going to curse the Hebrews for you. But they wouldn't take no 
for an answer. And I just hemmed and hawed.

Mandy --- Ehaw.

Balaam -- Yeah, like that. Well, it's not all THAT bad. King 
Balak offered me a fortune in gold if I could do just one little 
itsy bitsy curse for him. Who's gonna know about just one itsy 
bitsy little curse.

Mandy --- Ehaw, God will know, you jug head. Ehaw, I'm not sure 
I want to participate in a stupid stunt like that.

Balaam -- (clicks tongue) What are your slowing down for, Mandy?
(clicks tongue) Come on, let's go, girl.

Mandy --- Ehaw, alright, alright, I'm going. Quit kicking. I 
still think this is a stupid stunt. I wonder what the Lord 
thinks about this... Well, speaking of the Lord, there's one of 
his angels now. Maybe an angel can talk some sense into Balaam. 

Balaam -- (clicks tongue, slap) Come on, girl, get moving.

Mandy --- Ehaw, Balaam, Balaam, Balaam there's an angel stand 
right in the path in front of you. Can't you see him? Ehaw, 
Balaam! Well, if you won't stop, I'm going to walk around him. 
I'm not going to trample on an angel of the Lord.

Balaam -- Hey, what's going on here Mandy? Where are you going? 
(clicks tongue, slap) Get back on the path there, girl. There, 
that's better. What's gotten into you today, Mandy?

Mandy --- Ehaw, what's gotten into you, Balaam? You used to be 
able to see angels when they appeared. Well, there he is again. 
I hope you can see him because he's standing between two 
vineyard walls and there's not much space to go around him. 
Ehaw, Balaam, wake up before I flatten one perfectly good angel! 
Alright, if you won't stop, I'll try to squeeze by against the 

Balaam -- Aaaagh! Mandy, what are you doing? Mandy, You're 
crushing my foot against the wall! (slap, slap, slap) Aaaah! 
Mandy get away from the wall.

Mandy --- Ehaw, alright, alright. We're by him. Easy on the whip, 
fella. I think all that gold has blinded you to things you used 
to be able to see. Oh, no! There's the angel again. Balaam, 
please see him this time, he right in my path and there's no 
room to get by. Balaam! Oh well! If you're going to stop, then 
I'm just going to plop down right here.

Balaam -- Oh, no not again. Mandy! Why are you stopping? Don't 
lie down! (slap, slap, slap) Mandy, get up!

Mandy --- Ehaw, I'm not getting up.

Balaam -- Mandy! (slap, slap, slap)

Mandy --- Take it easy, buster!

Balaam -- Who said that?

Mandy --- Who said what?

Balaam -- There it is again.

Mandy --- There what is again?

Balaam -- It's a woman's voice!

Mandy --- I don't hear anything.

Balaam -- Mandy! It's you! Mandy! You're talking! It can't be!

Mandy --- Well, I wish I could talk, then I'd tell you what a 
chump you are for selling out to the Moabites for a little gold.

Balaam -- Mandy, you're talking!

Mandy --- No kidding? You can really hear me?

Balaam -- Yes, you're really talking! I... I don't understand 

Mandy --- Well, I do. God told you not to go to Moab. And here 
you are on your way to Moab. Even a stupid donkey like me knows 
better than to mess with those pagans.

Balaam -- (beat) You're right, Mandy, I've been a fool. (gasps)

Mandy --- What's the matter, Balaam?

Balaam -- There's the angel of the Lord!

Mandy --- Oh, sure, now you see him, now that my flanks are 
black and blue.

Balaam -- My Lord, my God, I have sinned against you and nearly 
betrayed your people. I am so sorry. 


He's gone! Mandy! He's gone! I think everything is going to be 
alright now. Mandy? Mandy?

Mandy --- Ehaw.

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