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ADPITCH  5'2m?f Two ad men pitch a publishing offer to Moses

HARRY -- Thanks for coming, Mr Moses. Have a seat right here. 
Ready when you are, Larry.

LARRY -- Right you are, Harry. Mr Moses we were sorry to hear 
that your brother couldn't make it here today. We understand 
that you need him along side because you have a, ah... a, ah....

HARRY -- Speech impediment, Larry?

LARRY -- Right you are, Harry. A speech impediment. Feel free to 
communicate through Harry, here, as you would through your 
brother, ah.... through your brother, ah....

HARRY -- That's Aaron, Larry.

LARRY -- Right you are, Harry. Aaron. Yes, of course. Anyway, 
let us get right to the point, Mr Moses. We think you are 
sitting on a veritable gold mine here, Mr Moses. We here at the 
public relations firm of Harry, Larry, Barry, Mary, Sherry, 
Carry, Cherry, Terry, Jerry and Gary have examined your 
manuscripts thoroughly. We think there's enormous potential in 
the market place for books like these. We think that if you play 
your cards right, Mr Moses, you could make yourself a lot of 
rubles.

HARRY -- That's shekels, Larry.

LARRY -- Right you are, Harry. There's a lot of shekels to be 
made from these books. And here is our strategy: we publish your 
first book, ah... your first book, ah...

HARRY -- That's the Genesis, Larry.

LARRY -- Right you are, Harry. We publish the book of Genesis 
just before Christmas and sew up the gift market, launching your 
career as successful author.

HARRY -- Then in March we publish Genesis as a paperback. We see 
a hard-hitting nationwide ad campaign that would sound something 
like this:

(announcer's enunciation)

LARRY -- Now in paperback from Bantam Books

HARRY -- From the author of the ten commandments

LARRY -- From the man who parted the Red Sea

HARRY -- Moses brings you

LARRY -- (Reverberating) Genesis

HARRY -- The book everybody has been talking about

LARRY -- A spectacular saga

HARRY -- Every word is true, but stranger than fiction

LARRY -- You'll read about unabashed nudity in the garden

HARRY -- The killer flood

LARRY -- Eight survivors trapped on a boat with wild animals

HARRY -- Lust and moral decay in two cities that are later 
devastated

LARRY -- Leaving only two survivors. Then, later,

HARRY -- A father is about to sacrifice his own son in a bazaar 
religious ritual

LARRY -- All this and more in (Reverberating) GENESIS by Moses

HARRY -- Now at your local news stand

LARRY -- Or at a book store near you

(regular voices)

HARRY -- Well, Mr Moses, what do you think? (pauses) Larry, he 
wants to publish all five books in one volume.

LARRY -- We've heard that concept before, Mr Moses. The volume 
would be called the ah... the ah...

HARRY -- The Bible, Larry?

LARRY -- Rights you are, Harry, the Bible. 

HARRY -- But we think there's more potential in separate 
volumes, Mr Moses.

LARRY -- Right you are, Harry. Now after all five books have 
been published, we see a ready market out there for the 
sophisticated collector.

HARRY -- Again, we see a nationwide ad campaign. But this time a 
little more subdued and elegant.

(announcer's voice)

LARRY -- At last, collectables that are both good looking and 
useful. Now, from Franklin Mint, in top grain leather with 24 
karat gold embossing, all five books of the legendary author, 
Moses. Every page is edged with real gold. Highest quality 
materials and workmanship thoughout. Each volume is filled with 
exciting stories for you to read and to share with your family 
and friends. Put this beautiful volume on your coffee table and 
your guests will marvel at your historical expertise and your 
good taste.

HARRY -- (hillbilly voice) Oh, look, Mildred, the gold bound 
edition of the books of Moses. These people have good taste!

(regular voices)

LARRY -- Well, what do you think, Mr Moses?

HARRY -- Mr Moses says he's not interested in collectables, 
Larry.

LARRY -- Wait, there's more. Now we're ready for the lucrative 
kids market. We picture an advertising blitz on Saturday morning 
television that will sound something like this:

HARRY -- (Frantic) At last from KTEL all five books of Moses now 
on cassette or CD, featuring your favorite voices. Here's Bugs 
Bunny reading the book of Genesis:

LARRY -- Neyah...in da beginnin' God created de heavens and the 
de oyt.

HARRY -- Here's the book of Exodus featuring Goofy:

LARRY -- Ayup, oh ahyup. Then Moses stretched out his hand over 
the sea, ahyup.

HARRY -- Here's Scooby Doo and the book of Leviticus:

LARRY -- Ruf Ruf Ruf, Ruf Ruf Ruf Ruf.

HARRY -- Yes, all these favorites and more can be yours for 
$8.99 per cassette or $12.99 per compact disk. But, buy all five 
tapes now and we'll throw in a set of Ginsu Knives. Now how much 
would you pay!?

LARRY -- Frankly, Mr Moses, we thought the only thing that would 
keep us from a best seller in the kids market was the book of 
Leviticus. It's a little dry. We thought a teensy rewrite would 
be in order before we go to press....

HARRY -- Excuse, me Larry, Mr Moses here says he's not 
interested in the kids market.

LARRY -- Wait there's more. Next we attack the teen video market 
on MTV. We are currently in contract negotiations with Michael 
Jackson and Madonna to play Abraham and Sarah. 

HARRY -- (afar) Wait. Wait Mr Moses, please don't leave. Mr 
Moses, please. He's gone, Larry.

LARRY -- (afar) Right you are, Harry. Let's do lunch.


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