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ACHAN    4'2m0f Achan takes some Jericho plunder for himself

ACHAN --- Joshua, how can you just sit there while 3000 of your 
men battle for the city of Ai?

JOSHUA -- Because I'm confident in the Lord, Achan. Besides, now 
that we've conquered Jericho, 3000 men for Ai is probably 2000 
too many. Ai is so small, its name has only 2 letters. Ai is so 
small that the city limit signs for both ends of town are on the 
same post. Ai is so small, I spent three weeks there one night. 
Ai is so small...

(door open)

ACHAN --- I hate to spoil your fun, Joshua, but here comes the
runner with a message from Ai. Here you read it. I'm too 
nervous.

JOSHUA -- Achan, why are you so nervous? Ai is so small that the 
town gossip has noone to tell. Ai is so small that...

ACHAN --- Please, Joshua, just read the message.

JOSHUA -- Sure, Achan, anything you say. It says, "All is lost. 
The Lord is not with us. Ai has killed us all."

ACHAN --- I knew it.

JOSHUA -- Knew what?

ACHAN --- Nothing.

JOSHUA -- Looks like Ai is not as small as I thought. I wonder 
why, after such a resounding victory in a big city like Jericho, 
we got pounded by such a one-horse town as Ai.

ACHAN --- Don't look at me.

JOSHUA -- Why, what do you mean by that? I didn't accuse you of 
anything.

ACHAN --- Ah, I was just making conversation. Yeah, that's it. I 
was just making conversation. So, tell me, how small is Ai?

JOSHUA -- Achan, we lost 3000 men at Ai. This is no joking 
matter. The Lord would never do this to us... unless... someone 
sinned against the Lord.

ACHAN --- Gee, I just remembered, I left something on the stove.

JOSHUA -- Achan?

ACHAN --- Yes, Joshua?

JOSHUA -- What do you know about this?

ACHAN --- Nothing. I'd love to stay and chat, but...

JOSHUA -- You know something about this, but you're not saying.

ACHAN --- Me? (forced laugh) I don't know anything. I was the 
smartest one in the dumb class.

JOSHUA -- Spill it.

ACHAN --- What would you say if you knew someone who, you know, 
sort of borrowed a little tiny bit of the plunder from Jericho?

JOSHUA -- You mean someone took some of the plunder from Jericho 
that we dedicated to the Lord?

ACHAN --- Well, just suppose that this hypothetical person took 
the tiniest little bit of plunder for himself.

JOSHUA -- Okay, just supposing. How much did he take, 
hypothetically?

ACHAN --- Well, hypothetically, suppose this person took a 
purple Babylonian robe, 200 shekels of silver and 20 measly 
shekels of gold.

JOSHUA -- 20 shekels of gold?!

ACHAN --- Alright, so it was 50 shekels! I mean, let's suppose 
it was 50 shekels of gold... that this hypothetical person 
took, hypothetically.

JOSHUA -- From the Lord.

ACHAN --- It sounds worse when you say it. Well, what would you 
do with a person like that?

JOSHUA -- We'd have to stone him to death and burn his body.

ACHAN --- Well, it's a good thing I don't know anyone like that, 
isn't it?

JOSHUA -- You did it.

ACHAN --- Huh?

JOSHUA -- I said, you did it.

ACHAN --- Me? No, I was, ah,.. I was vacationing in Puerto 
Villarta at the time.

JOSHUA -- There's no such resort as Puerto Villarta, yet.

ACHAN --- Mazitlan?

JOSHUA -- Nice try.

ACHAN --- Oh, gee, look at the time. I have an appointment with 
the dentist.

JOSHUA -- Nice try. There are no dentists in Israel, yet.

ACHAN --- Hey, you want to hear how small Ai is?

JOSHUA -- (shouts) Okay, everybody, pick up a rock.

ACHAN --- (Fading) Ai is so small that if anyone checks out two 
books, they have to close the library. Ai is so small that the 
golf club is a nine iron. Ai is so small that they have to take 
turns being the town drunk. And when he's in jail the town band 
is a solo.

(rocks fall)


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