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SHEET    3'2m0f Peter interprets his vision of the sheet

(knock, knock, knock)

FLOYD -- (Austrian accent, over-enunciates gutturals and 
consonants) Yes, come in.

(door open)

PETER -- Hi, I was looking for Dr Floyd.

FLOYD -- Yes, I'm Dr Sigmond Floyd. Are you Simon Peter?

PETER -- Yes.

FLOYD -- Come in, Peter. Come in.

PETER -- Thank you.

(door close)

FLOYD -- Please, lie down on the couch, please.

PETER -- Thank you, Dr Floyd.

FLOYD -- So, what can I help you with, Peter?

PETER -- I had a vision that I want you to help me with....

FLOYD -- Do you often have experience with hallucination, 
Peter?

PETER -- Oh, I don't think this was a hallucination, Dr Floyd. I 
think this was a vision from the Lord.

FLOYD -- Uh huh. Verrrrrry InterrrrrestinG.

PETER -- Yes, it was. It was at about noon. I had went up to the 
roof to pray even though I was hungry.

FLOYD -- Uh huh. Self-denial. An obvious symptom of 
codependence.

PETER -- What does that mean?

FLOYD -- Please, continue. Tell me about the vision itself.

PETER -- I saw heaven opened and something like a large sheet 
being let down to earth by its four corners.

FLOYD -- Uh huh. You were hungry and a sheet came down. Are you 
sure it was a sheet and not a table cloth?

PETER -- It looked like a sheet to me.

FLOYD -- Uh huh. Do you often eat in bed?

PETER -- No.

FLOYD -- Uh huh. Contextual discrimination impairment.

PETER -- Excuse me?

FLOYD -- Please, continue. Was there any food on the table 
cloth?

PETER -- Sheet.

FLOYD -- Sheet.

PETER -- Yes, there were four footed animals, reptiles, and 
birds.

FLOYD -- No, I asked you if there was food on it.

PETER -- Well, it WAS food. A voice told me, "Get up, Peter. 
Kill and eat." 

FLOYD -- Kill and eat. Uh huh. Tell me, you didn't bring any 
sharp objects in here, did you?

PETER -- Why, no. Why?

FLOYD -- Do you often hear voices?

PETER -- No. This was the first time.

FLOYD -- Did you recognize the voice?

PETER -- Yes. It was God.

FLOYD -- God.

PETER -- Yeah, God.

FLOYD -- Uh huh. And how did you know that it was the voice of 
God?

PETER -- Oh, he came to earth in the form of a man. He was my 
best friend for three years.

FLOYD -- Uh huh. Please, continue. He told you to kill defenseless 
animals, and...

PETER -- Yeah, then I said, "Surely not, Lord! I have never eaten 
anything impure or unclean." 

FLOYD -- Uh huh. So, you overruled the Lord.

PETER -- Well, I didn't OVERRULE the Lord. I just couldn't 
believe he wanted me to eat meat from animals that levitical law 
forbids.

FLOYD -- So, how do you know so much about levitical law. Are 
you a Pharisee or a priest?

PETER -- No, I get my wisdom from the Holy Spirit.

FLOYD -- Uh huh. Delusions of grandeur.

PETER -- What does that mean?

FLOYD -- Please continue. You overruled the Lord. And, since 
you're still alive, I assume that the Lord didn't strike you 
dead.

PETER -- No. The voice spoke a second time. It said, "Do not 
call anything impure that God has made clean." 

FLOYD -- Uh huh. Verrrrry interrrrresting.

PETER -- So, what do you think? Should I eat unkosher food? 
Should I fellowship with the gentiles?

FLOYD -- I have a better question.

PETER -- What's that?

FLOYD -- Who's going clean all those hoof prints off the table 
cloth?

(door open)

PETER -- Oh, brother. Goodbye!

(door close)

FLOYD -- Verrrrry interrrrrrestinG. Also flees responsibility.


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