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PRODIGAL 6'2m0f The parable of the prodigal son

ED --   And now, sit down, put your feet up, relax and listen to 
another edition of... Parables on Parade. Tonight's parable comes 
from Luke chapter 15 beginning at verse 11.

Jesus continued: "There was a man who had two sons. The younger one 
said to his father, 'Father, give me my share of the estate.' So he 
divided his property between them. "Not long after that, the younger 
son got together all he had, set off for a distant country and there 
squandered his wealth in wild living. After he had spent everything, 
there was a severe famine in that whole country, and he began to be 
in need. So he went and hired himself out to a citizen of that 
country, who sent him to his fields to feed pigs. He longed to fill 
his stomach with the pods that the pigs were eating, but no one gave 
him anything. "When he came to his senses, he said, 'How many of my 
father's hired men have food to spare, and here I am starving to 
death! I will set out and go back to my father and say to him: 
Father, I have sinned against heaven and against you. I am no longer 
worthy to be called your son; make me like one of your hired men.' 

FRED -- (always on megaphone) Red dog two, this is red dog one, 
over.

ED --   So he got up and went to his father. 

FRED -- Red dog two, this is red dog one, over.

ED --   Excuse me, folks, someone left a walky talky in the studio. 
I'll just turn it off.

FRED -- Red dog two, this is red dog one, over. Come on, soldier, 
pick up the walkie talkie.

ED --   I must be the red dog two he's talking about. That voice 
sounds familiar. Ah, this is red dog two, I think.

FRED -- Red dog two, operation red dog is fully operational.

ED --   Excuse me?

FRED -- I figure by now the radio show is on the air, so our 
audience can be fully briefed on operation red dog.

ED --   Operation red dog? I'm sorry, I wasn't aware of any 
operation red dog. Where are you?

FRED -- I'm out at the father's estate.

ED --   Father? What father?

FRED -- The father of the prodigal son. What's the matter with you, 
soldier, haven't you been briefed on this operation?

ED --   What operation?

FRED -- We're expecting the prodigal son back here at the estate any 
minute. And we have the estate fully secured.

ED --   Secured? Why?

FRED -- The greedy little beggar took half the money from the 
estate and went off to a foreign country to blow all his money 
all on wine, women and song. No way he's getting back into this 
estate.

ED --   Just what kind of an operation do you have planned?

FRED -- Well, first I protected the perimeter of the estate with 
razor-sharp barbed wire. Not even a rabbit will be able to get 
through.

ED --   You can't be serious.

FRED -- We don't jest about security, soldier.

ED --   I think there's been a big mistake here.

FRED -- The only mistake was the prodigal son thinking he could come 
home. Now, if he makes it by the barbed wire, he'll wish he didn't.

ED --   You wouldn't hurt anyone, would you?

FRED -- Naw, they wouldn't sell me any real explosives. All I could 
get was some flash-bang grenades. But if the prodigal son steps on 
the trip wire, he'll have a ringing in his ears that'll last for 
hours.

ED --   Isn't that a little harsh?

FRED -- That ain't half as bad as my secret weapon.

ED --   I'm afraid to ask.

FRED -- Well, I couldn't find any sharpened bamboo stakes for my 
tiger pits, so I filled the pits with horse manure.

ED --   Did you say horse manure?

FRED -- That's affirmative, soldier. I camouflaged the pits with grass. 
No way he'll see the pits until he's hip deep in it. Heh, heh!

ED --   Listen, I don't think that's quite what the Lord had in mind 
for the prodigal son's return.

FRED -- Maybe not, but it's what the little beggar deserves.

ED --   The whole point of the parable is forgiveness, not 
vengeance.

FRED -- If you're trying to persuade me to abandon my post, soldier, 
you're barking up the wrong tree.

ED --   Well, since the prodigal son is a fictitious character 
maybe you should consider abandoning your post.

FRED -- What do you mean, fictitious, soldier?

ED --   I mean Jesus made up the whole story. It never happened.

FRED -- Oh, boy.

ED --   Where are you, anyway. Whose estate did you dig up and booby 
trap?

FRED -- It was the only prodigal in the phone book. Harry Prodigal, 
2241 Elm Street. No wonder he seemed upset when I dug up his front 
lawn.

ED --   Oh, brother.

FRED -- Well, I'd better stand down.

ED --   Yes, you'd better.

FRED -- Oh, rats!

ED --   What's the matter?

FRED -- It's dark out here and I forgot where I placed the trip 
wires and manure pits. Oh, well, I'm on my way to the front yard now 
to do a little recon.

ED --   Maybe you should turn on the outside lights on the house.

FRED -- Negative, red dog two, I shot the lights out when I arrived.

ED --   You shot the lights out?

FRED -- No problem, though, I'll just walk slo....wo!

ED --   What is it?

FRED -- I found one of the manure pits. Yuk. I hate when that 
happens. 

ED --   Please hurry, you have to continue on into the mine field and 
disarm the flash bang grenades, before an innocent bystander sets 
them off.

FRED -- Roger, red dog two, I am working on that now... (bang) Ahg! 
Oh, man! I hit a trip wire. (bang) Ahg! What did you say?

ED --   I didn't say anything. Please be careful.

FRED -- What? I can't hear you (bang) Ahg! Oh, man! I can't hear a 
thing. If you can hear me, I just disabled 3 of the 4 flash-bang 
grenades. (bang) Ahg! Oh, man. Make that four out of four, red dog 
two. Did you say something?

ED --   No I didn't say anything.

FRED -- What? I can't hear you. My ears are ringing. Man, it sure is 
dark out here.

ED --   Be careful of the....

FRED -- Ooo! Aaa! Ooo! Aaa!

ED --   ...barbed wire. Tune in next time for another edition of 
Parables on Parade.

FRED -- I'm sorry. I can't hear a thing you're saying. Ooo! Aaa! 
Ooo!


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