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PENTECOS 9'4m?f News coverage of Pentecost

(Trumpet fanfare)

ANNOUNCER -- Live, from Jerusalem, Israel, QBC news presents the 
feast of Pentecost with your QBC correspondent, Stanley 
Steinberg. But first, this word from our sponsor.

SHE -- Honey?

HE --- Hmmm?

SHE -- Honey, I'm worried about Pentecost.

HE --- That's nice, dear.

SHE -- Honey, are you listening to me?

HE --- Uh huh, you're worried about something.

SHE -- This is serious, honey. Pentecost is coming and I don't 
know what we should give.

HE --- Uh huh.

SHE -- Honey, will you listen to me? Pentecost is the feast of 
first fruits. We have to come up with a sacrifice for first 
fruits. What are we going to give?

HE --- We don't have any choice, dear. Levitical law says we 
have to give an ephah of new grain.

SHE -- But we aren't farmers. How are we going to give a gift of 
new grain?

(door bell, door open)

HE --- (afar) Who is it, hun.

SHE -- Nobody's here. It's just a box wrapped with red foil and 
a big white bow.

HE --- Well, I'll be. What's in it?

(paper tearing, shuffling)

SHE -- Look at this!

HE --- Well, I'll be! An effah of new grain, all ready for 
giving as a sacrifice.

ANNOUNCER -- Just in time for gift-giving at Pentecost, Kosher 
Gift House presents a complete assortment of new grain 
offerings. Carefully harvested and meticulously thrashed for 
purity, your Kosher Gift House new grain offering makes an 
attractive gift. But you would be proud to offer this top 
quality new grain to the Lord yourself. Choose from barley, 
wheat, oats, corn or the the new four-grain assortment. Kosher 
Gift House is a proud sponsor of this year's official first 
fruits festival. And here with play-by-play coverage of the 
entire festival, is your host, QBS correspondent Stanley 
Steinberg. But first, this word from our sponsor.

SHE -- Honey?

HE --- Hmmm?

SHE -- Honey, I don't know who to vote for.

HE --- That's nice, dear.

SHE -- Honey, are you listening to me?

HE --- Uh huh, you don't know who to vote for.

SHE -- This is serious, honey. Pentecost is coming and we still 
don't have a replacement apostle for Judas Iscariot.

HE --- Uh huh.

SHE -- Honey, will you listen to me? 

HE --- I'm listening. But you're making too big a deal out of 
this. Barsabbas is going to win in a landslide. 

SHE -- No way. Matthias is much better qualified for the job.

HE --- Are you kidding Barsabbas has cured way more blind people 
and driven out way more demons.

SHE -- Yes, but an apostle does a lot more than heal people and 
drive out demons. He has to be a good preacher and a positive 
role model as well as a prophet of God. Matthias is more 
qualified in those areas.

HE --- It's just like a woman to get hung up on the little 
things.

SHE -- It's just like a man to demean a woman when there's an 
important decision to be made.

(door bell, door open)

HE --- (afar) Who is it, hun?

SHE -- Nobody's here. It's just a box wrapped with red foil and 
a big white bow.

HE --- Well, I'll be. What's in it?

(paper tearing, shuffling)

SHE -- Look at this!

HE --- Well, I'll be! It's a complete kit for casting lots. Now 
there's a good way to select a new apostle!

ANNOUNCER -- Just in time for gift-giving at Pentecost, Kosher 
Gift House presents a complete, high quality kit for casting 
lots. It's perfect for making important decisions and chosing 
such important leaders as deacons, elders and apostles. The kit 
comes complete with dozens of polished hardwood sticks and a top 
quality writing instrument. To chose a new apostle, merely write 
the name of each candidate on separate hardwood sticks, then 
have a trustworthy apostle select one of the sticks at random. 
You can be sure that with such high quality lots, the Lord will 
choose the most qualified successor. Kosher Gift House. Choose a 
gift that will choose a quality apostle. And now with 
play-by-play coverage of the entire Pentecost festival, is here 
your host, QBS correspondent Stanley Steinberg. (pause) Ah, 
ladies and gentlemen, we are experiencing technical differences 
with out transmissions from the temple mount. The weather in the 
temple area has changed mysteriously. A gale-force wind is 
whistling through the temple, but apparently nowhere else in 
Jerusalem. While we consult with our meteorologist to find out 
what that means, let's hear a word from our sponsor.

SHE -- Honey?

HE --- Hmmm?

SHE -- Honey, what am I going to wear to the temple for the 
feast of Pentecost?

HE --- I don't know, dear.

SHE -- Honey, are you listening to me?

HE --- Uh huh, you don't know what to wear.

SHE -- This is serious, honey. It's windy up on the temple 
mount. 

HE --- Uh huh.

SHE -- Honey, will you listen to me? 

HE --- I'm listening. It's windy. So wear a coat.

SHE -- I just bought a brand new dress for the Feast of 
Pentecost. I'm not wearing a big winter coat over my brand new 
dress. 

HE --- So, don't wear a coat. Be cold. I don't care.

SHE -- There must be SOMETHING I can wear.

(door bell, door open)

HE --- (afar) Who is it, hun?

SHE -- Nobody's here. It's just a box wrapped with red foil and 
a big white bow.

HE --- Well, I'll be. What's in it?

(paper tearing, shuffling)

SHE -- Look at this!

HE --- Well, I'll be! It's a pair of windbreakers.

SHE -- And they're multicolored, so they'll go perfectly with my 
new Pentecost dress.

HE --- With my new Pentecost suit too.

ANNOUNCER -- Just in time for gift-giving at Pentecost, Kosher 
Gift House presents a new line of multicolored windbreaker 
jackets. These jackets are dressy enough to wear with your 
Pentecost finery and warm enough to fend off even the highest 
wind on the temple mount. They come in a wide ranges of sizes 
from the most petite women's sizes to the most husky of men's 
sizes. Kosher Gift House. Choose a gift that will warm your 
heart as well as your body. And now with play-by-play coverage 
of the entire Pentecost festival, is here your host, QBS 
correspondent Stanley Steinberg. (pause) Ah, ladies and 
gentlemen, we are still experiencing technical difficulties with 
our transmissions from the temple mount. The gale-force winds 
have ceased, but reportedly, tongues of fire have come to rest 
on the heads of each of the apostles who are standing in the 
temple court. So, while we confirm these reports, here let's 
have a word from our sponsor.

SHE -- Honey?

HE --- Hmmm?

SHE -- Honey, my flame is going out. What am I going to do?

HE --- I don't know, dear.

SHE -- Honey, are you listening to me?

HE --- Uh huh, your flame is going out.

SHE -- This is serious, honey. The flame that appeared on my 
head at the last Pentecost is going out. What are people going 
to say?

HE --- Uh huh.

SHE -- Honey, will you listen to me? 

HE --- I'm listening. It's almost Pentecost again. You'll get 
another flame.

SHE -- But if I go to the Feast of Pentecost without a flame, 
they'll think I've lost my faith.

HE --- Well, have you?

SHE -- Have I what?

HE --- Have you lost your faith. 

SHE -- Well, yes, but people don't have to know about it. Isn't 
there something I can do?

(door bell, door open)

HE --- (afar) Who is it, hun?

SHE -- Nobody's here. It's just a box wrapped with red foil and 
a big white bow.

HE --- Well, I'll be. What's in it?

(paper tearing, shuffling)

SHE -- Look at this!

HE --- Well, I'll be! It's an artificial butane Pentecost flame.

ANNOUNCER -- Just in time for gift-giving at Pentecost, Kosher 
Gift House presents the all new butane Pentecost flame. When the 
flame of faith goes out in your life, isn't nice to know that 
Kosher Gift House comes to the rescue? The new butane Pentecost 
flame comes complete with two butane refills and a continuously 
adjustable burner. Let Kosher Gift House be the light of your 
life. Our technical difficulty has apparently been corrected, 
and our play-by-play coverage of the entire Pentecost festival 
continues as the apostles reportedly are beginning to speak in 
foreign tongues. Our QBS correspondent Stanley Steinberg is 
ready with an exclusive interview with one of the apostles. And 
we'll bring you that interview, right after this word from our 
sponsor.

SHE -- Honey?

HE --- Hmmm?

SHE -- Honey, what are we going to do about the language 
problem?

HE --- I don't know, dear.

SHE -- Honey, are you listening to me?

HE --- Uh huh, you have a language problem.

SHE -- This is serious, honey. During the Feast of Pentecost the 
Apostles are going to speak in foreign tongues. 

HE --- Uh huh.

SHE -- Honey, will you listen to me? 

HE --- I'm listening. Apostles are going to speak in foreign 
tongues. So?

SHE -- Well, if they speak in foreign tongues and we don't know 
any foreign tongues. We won't understand a thing they say.

HE --- Uh huh.

SHE -- Well?

HE --- Well, what?

SHE -- Well, how are we going to learn a foreign language in 
time for Pentecost?

(door bell, door open)

HE --- (afar) Who is it, hun?

SHE -- Nobody's here. It's just a box wrapped with red foil and 
a big white bow.

HE --- Well, I'll be. What's in it?

(paper tearing, shuffling)

SHE -- Look at this!

HE --- Well, I'll be! It's a set of cassette tapes.

ANNOUNCER -- Just in time for gift-giving at Pentecost, Kosher 
Gift House presents the all new foreign language crash course. 
Compiled by a panel of internationally known linguists and 
language scholars, the new Kosher Gift House Foreign Language 
crash course will have you speaking a foreign language fluently 
in just a few hours. Don't be left out at the Feast of 
Pentecost. Remember, Kosher Gift House speaks your language.

(Trumpet fanfare)

You've been listening to the play-by-play coverage of the 
Feast of Pentecost, brought to you by Kosher Gift House, 
exclusively by QBC news. Good night.


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