BACK

OFFER    3'1m0f Jews threaten Jesus for overturning the tables

(phone dialing beeps)

(brooklyn accent, thug) 

Yo, who's this?

Mary? Mary what? There must be hundreds of Mary's in Jerusalem.

Mother of Jesus? Good. Let me talk to Jesus.

Never mind who's calling, woman. Put Jesus on the phone.

Jesus? Yeah, listen up.

Nevermind who's calling. Just listen up. You're in big trouble.

Yes, I said big trouble. You overturned the tables of the money 
changers and sacrifice sellers in the temple today.

So What?! Those tables belonged to certain interests of which I 
am a representative.

I'll ask the questions here. You don't have to know who THEY 
are. You cost the organization a lot of dough. Until now, we 
turned our backs when you ate into our profits, but now...

Yes, you ate into our profits. Since you started coming around 
here and preaching all that faith in God stuff, sales of sin 
offerings have dropped off to an all time low.

Alright, so thank offerings are way up, but they are lower cost 
per unit. Consequently, both gross revenue and net profit are in 
the dumper. Then you add insult to injury by flipping tables 
over. A whole sabbath's income is now bupkiss thanks to you.

Hey, hey, hey! Who you calling thieves and vipers, fella?!

Okay, so the money exchange rates and sacrifice prices are a 
little inflated. It isn't like we have a lot of competition to 
keep the prices down.

Look, fella, if you so much as come near them tables again, I 
will personally escort you to the deepest part of the Dead Sea 
and fit you with a pair of cement overshoes. You do know why 
they call it the DEAD sea, don't you?

Yeah. So, now that I've got you attention, I have an offer which 
I am certain you cannot refuse. The organization which I 
represent hereby offer you percentage of all profits from the 
money changers and sacrifice sellers. To reciprocate you will 
give us a cut of your profits from your afore mentioned 
miracles.

Right. You don't make no profits. How about from making blind 
men see?

From curing the lepers?

Not even from raising them guys from the dead?

Right. Then, what are you doing it for?

Proof that you're the messiah. Right. Next thing you'll be 
telling me is that you created the universe.

You did. Now, look punk, either you accept our offer or we turn 
you over to Pilot.

That's right. I said Pontius Pilot. And don't forget he's got 
ROMAN soldiers. When they get through with you, it won't be a a 
pretty picture. So, I figure this is an offer you cannot refuse. 

What do you mean you refuse?! You know you're gonna die. 

You're willing to die?

Why?

So, you can make me an offer I CAN refuse?

Eternal life. But you don't even know me.

You knew me before I was born? Naw.

You really are him, aren't you?

Listen, Jesus, I have to go.

Why? Because I have to call the organization to turn in my 
resignation.

Yeah, good bye, ...and thanks.


2013 Bob Snook. Conditions for use:
Do not sell any part of this script, even if you rewrite it.
Pay no royalties, even if you make money from performances.
You may reproduce and distribute this script freely,
but all copies must contain this copyright statement.
http://www.bobsnook.org  email: bob@bobsnook.org

BACK