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NET      4'2m0f The parable of the net

(background birds chirping, wind, gurgling and splashing)

ED --   And now, sit down, put your feet up, relax and listen to 
another edition of... Parables on Parade. Tonight's parable comes 
from Matthew chapter 13 beginning at verse 47

"Once again, the kingdom of heaven is like a net that was let down 
into the lake and caught all kinds of fish. When it was full, the 
fishermen pulled it up on the shore. Then they sat down and 
collected the good fish in baskets, but threw the bad away. This is 
how it will be at the end of the age. The angels will come and 
separate the wicked from the righteous..."

FRED -- (always afar, hoarsely, with cockney accent) Avast, ye 
maties! Set the mainsull. Strike the jib!

ED --   I don't know how to tell you this but your row bow doesn't 
have any sails.

FRED -- I love to talk like this when I sail the ocean blue. Batton 
down the hatches! Belay the starboard lines!

ED --   You're not on the ocean. This lake can't be more a mile 
across. 

FRED -- Ah, but she's a fine vessel, is she not, lad? Are you sure 
you won't be comin' afishin' with me, landlubber?

ED --   Definitely not. I haven't seen a wooden row boat in twenty 
years. And it leaks like a sieve. Are you sure your safe out there?

FRED -- (normal voice) Make up your mind, would ya? First you 
criticize me for spending too much money on these demonstrations, 
then you criticize me for cutting back.

ED --   There's really not much point in us being here. Our 
listeners can't watch you fish anyway.

FRED -- See, there you go again, throwing a wet blanket on all the 
fun.

ED --   What fun? The wind is whipping up and it's cold out here.

FRED -- Sissy.

ED --   I'm not a sissy. 

FRED -- If you're not a sissy, why aren't you out here in the boat 
with me?

ED --   I'm not going to ruin a perfectly good pair of shoes in your 
leaky old boat.

FRED -- Sissy.

ED --   I don't know why we're here anyway. This parable isn't 
really about fishing at all.

FRED -- (laughs) Right. The parable of the net is not about fishing. 
(laughs)

ED --   It's NOT about fishing. It's about the lord separating the 
good fish from the bad fish: those who put their trust in him from 
those who turned their back on him.

FRED -- Alright. Where's my net?

ED --   As usual, you're not listening to a thing I said. Say, I 
really don't think you ought to be standing up in the boat. The 
water is getting pretty....

FRED -- (thud) Agh! Oooh!

ED --   ...Choppy. Are you alright?

FRED -- I'm fine. I just hit my head on the anchor here. Ooo.

ED --   I'm sorry, but I tried to warn you.

FRED -- Well, mister smarty, how am I supposed to cast my net if I 
don't stand up?

ED --   Then, please, be careful.

FRED -- Well, this anchor shouldn't have been in the boat anyway. I 
should have dropped it over the side to steady the boat, like 
this....

ED --   Please, be careful. that anchor looks like it's pretty...

FRED -- Agh! (crash) 

ED --   Heavy.

FRED -- Oh, man, now I'm never gonna get my rental deposit back.

ED --   Forget your deposit! You just dropped the anchor through the 
bottom of your boat. You'd better row back here fast.

FRED -- You don't think I'm trying?! The anchor must be dragging on 
the bottom and... holding... me... back.

ED --   Well, cut the anchor rope!

FRED -- Oh, sure, then not only do I lose my rental deposit, I also 
have to pay for a new anchor?!

ED --   May I remind you that your boat is filling with water?

FRED -- Oh, dear.

ED --   Forget the boat! SWIM back here.

FRED -- Good idea. Let me just grab the net.

ED --   Will you just forget the net?!

FRED -- Oh, sure, then for the next ten weeks you remind me how I 
lost a brand new net that cost $49.97.

ED --   Oh, brother.

FRED -- While I'm at it, here, catch these oars when I float them to 
you. At least it won't be a total loss.

ED --   Tune in next time for another edition of Parables on Parade.

FRED -- Oh, wait! My lunch box. I have to get my....

(blub, blub, blub)


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