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MESSIAH  3'2m0f Examining the authenticity of the messiah.

(heavy door latch, squeaky hinges)

FRED --- Ah, hi, is this the Sanhedrin?

HARRY -- Yes, but we're right in the middle of a meeting here.

FRED --- Don't tell me. You were talking about the coming 
messiah. Right?

HARRY -- Am I supposed to be impressed? We're always talking 
about the coming messiah.

FRED --- Oh. (door close) Well, you can stop speculating. I'm 
here.

HARRY -- I know you're here. Now will you please leave?

FRED --- No, no, you don't understand. I am the messiah.

HARRY -- Uh huh.

FRED --- What, you don't believe me?

HARRY -- Oh, sure, we do. We also believe in the tooth fairy.

FRED --- Do I hear a little skepticism in your voice?

HARRY -- Where were you born.

FRED --- Where was I born?

HARRY -- Yes, what city were you born in?

FRED --- I know where I was born, you just tell me where you 
think I was born.

HARRY -- I'll give you a clue. Isaiah says that the messiah will 
be from the line of David.

FRED --- David.

HARRY -- Yeah, King David.

FRED --- Oh, King David! Hey, I was born in the line of David!

HARRY -- So, where were you born?

FRED --- Can you give me another hint?

HARRY -- You're not the messiah.

FRED --- Oh, yes, I am. I was born in Judah.

HARRY -- Judah is a country, not a city. 

FRED --- Yes, but it's the country of David. Did I mention that 
I'm from the line of David?

HARRY -- What city?

FRED --- Jericho?

HARRY -- You're not the Messiah.

FRED --- Jerusalem?

HARRY -- Get out.

FRED --- Bethlehem?

HARRY -- Lucky guess.

FRED --- That was it, wasn't it? Bethlehem. Yup, that's it, I 
was born in Bethlehem, city of David.

HARRY -- You're not the Messiah.

FRED --- Don't make me mad, or I'll call down my angels and 
destroy you.

HARRY -- Go ahead.

FRED --- (whining) Why won't you believe me?

HARRY -- We get dozens of people in here every year claiming to 
be the messiah.

FRED --- Alright, I'll prove that I am THE messiah. If I wasn't 
the messiah, would I be able to drop this brick on my big toe?

HARRY -- Please don't do....

(clank)

(long pause) Are you alright?

FRED --- (near whisper) I'm fine. I'm the messiah. Now, do you 
believe me?

HARRY -- No. 

FRED --- Alright, then I'll have to show you the ultimate test.

HARRY -- Please, just leave quietly.

FRED --- If I wasn't the messiah, would I be able to light this 
cherry bomb and drop it down my shorts?

HARRY -- Oh, please don't do th....

(boom)

(pause) Oh, that had to hurt.

FRED --- (falsetto voice) No, because I'm the messiah. Now do you 
believe me?

HARRY -- Yes.

FRED --- You do?

HARRY -- Yes. Now, according to David and several other prophets 
in the scriptures, we in the sanhedrin have to kill you.

FRED --- (pauses, laughs) I really had you going, didn't I? You 
really thought I was the messiah, didn't you? (laughs) Well, I 
have to be going now. Aaaaaaaah! Will someone get the door?

(door latch, squeaky hinges)

(fading) Thank you. Ah, Oooo, ah, this was really a dumb idea. 
Ah, oooh, ah, ah.


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