LOTS     4'2m0f Matthias is chosen by lot to replace Judas

(knock, knock, knock)

PETER ----- (afar) Come in.

(door open)

(afar) Oh, Barsabbas, come in. Come in.

BARSABBAS - Hello, Peter. Oh, they're all here.

PETER ----- Yes, Barsabbas I asked all eleven remaining apostles 
to come. And Matthias, too.

BARSABBAS - What for, Peter?

PETER ----- We're going to choose an apostle to replace Judas 

BARSABBAS - Well, then, I'm your man. So, now I can raise people 
from the dead and prophecy the future, huh?

PETER ----- Not so fast, Barsabbas. We have to do this God's 

BARSABBAS - Oh, I get it. You have to swear me in, huh? How do 
we do this? You want me standing up or kneeling down?

PETER ----- Ah, you don't understand. We haven't selected Judas' 
successor yet.

BARSABBAS - So, what's to select? I'm the best man for the job. 

PETER ----- Well, Matthias is well qualified too.

BARSABBAS - I beg to differ. I have healed more lepers, I have 
driven out more demons, I even healed blind people. So, how is 
Matthias more qualified?

PETER ----- He's more humble.

BARSABBAS - Oh. Hey, I'm humble too. I'm way more humble than 
Matthias. In fact, I may be the most humble disciple in the 

PETER ----- I'm sure. Well, let's let God choose the next 

BARSABBAS - I can already tell you who he'll choose. 

PETER ----- You have the gift of prophecy already?

BARSABBAS - Well, no, but...

PETER ----- Then, we'll cast lots.

BARSABBAS - Lots?! You mean throw dice?

PETER ----- Yes.

BARSABBAS - Well, that's not fair. 

PETER ----- What could be more fair than casting lots?

BARSABBAS - Well, it's all luck. Do you want the BEST man or the 
luckiest man?

PETER ----- Don't you believe that the God who created the 
universe can make the dice fall the way he wants them to?

BARSABBAS - Okay, yeah, sure. Why not.

PETER ----- Alright, you cast first.

BARSABBAS - No, let Matthias cast first. I'm feeling real lucky 
today. (clears throat) I mean, I'm confident God will choose the 
best man.

PETER ----- Alright, Matthias, you cast first. 

(pause, dice rattle, dice tumble)


BARSABBAS - Alright! I mean, gee, that's too bad. He only got a 
three. What a shame. Matthias is a good man.

PETER ----- Your cast, Barsabbas. 

(dice rattle)

BARSABBAS - Come on, mama, baby needs a new pair of shoes.

PETER ----- Excuse me?

BARSABBAS - I mean, ah, may the Lord bless my cast.

(dice tumble)

PETER ----- Two.

BARSABBAS - Two?! How could I throw a two? Let me see those 
dice. (beat) Two. I'll be darned.

PETER ----- So, I guess the Lord has chosen Matthias as our 
newest apostle.

BARSABBAS - Let's cast again. Best two out of three.

PETER ----- Well, I don't...

BARSABBAS - Hey, if God chose him once, won't he chose him 

PETER ----- Well, alright.

BARSABBAS - I'll throw first. (blows)

(dice rattle) 

Seven come eleven, come on, baby!

(dice tumble)

Ahha! Eleven! Alright!

PETER ----- Matthias, your cast.

BARSABBAS - Well, since I'm on a roll, Matthias may want to just 
admit defeat. (laughs nervously) Or not...

PETER ----- Matthias?

(dice rattle, dice tumble)

PETER ----- Twelve.

BARSABBAS - Twelve?! Nobody's that lucky. Lemme see those dice.

PETER ----- If the Lord is involved, Barsabbas. It isn't luck.

BARSABBAS - Oh, yeah. Okay. Best three out of five?

PETER ----- (afar) Nice try.

(door open, footsteps)

BARSABBAS - (fading) Wait a minute. Where are you going? What 
would be wrong with three out of five? How about one more roll. 
Winner takes all? Peter? Peter!

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