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LOSTCOIN 4'2m0f The parable of the lost coin

ED --   And now, sit down, put your feet up, relax and listen to 
another edition of... Parables on Parade. Tonight we have two 
parables for you from Luke chapter 15.

"...suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Does she not 
light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds 
it? And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors 
together and says, 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.'"

FRED -- Zip me up here, will ya?

ED --   Why are you wearing a dress?

FRED -- Well, I thought if I had to play this woman who lost a 
silver coin, I should look the part. Zip me up, huh?

ED --   There are no cameras around. The audience can't see that 
you're wearing a dress!

FRED -- I'm a method actor. If I'm playing a woman I have to feel 
the part. (Louder) Now zip me up!

ED --   Oh, alright. (zip) By the way, I love the hat.

FRED -- Thank you. I bought it special, to go with the three-inch 
high heels. Well, how do I look?

ED --   Simply lovely.

FRED -- (shouts) Alright, boys, bring in the couch.

ED --   You're bringing a couch into the studio?

FRED -- (afar) Set her down right there, fellows. No, a little 
to the left. There. Good. That'll be all. Thanks guys.

ED --   What is the couch for?

FRED -- Well, I have these ten silver coins -- I just got them from 
the change machine at the laundramat.

ED --   Quarters. How authentic.

FRED -- Now I just take one of the quarters, close my eyes, hold out 
my hand and drop it into the cushions of the couch. I know not 
where. Now, do you know what I do?

ED --   I could never guess.

FRED -- Well, silly, this is a parable. Do I not light a lamp and 
sweep the house and search careful.....wo! I didn't realize how 
tricky it was to walk around on three inch high heels. I'll just 
kick these little puppies off. Where was I?

ED --   You just swept the house.

FRED -- And the I search carefully. Do you think the audience can 
tell I'm barefoot?

ED --   Well, ah, I...

FRED -- Well, looky here, a dollar bill!

ED --   But you lost a quarter.

FRED -- Well, I'll just call all my friends and neighbors together 
and say "Rejoice with me, for I have found somebody's lost dollar."

ED --   That's not the correct quotation.

FRED -- I wonder how many other poor slobs lost money in the 
cushions of this couch.

ED --   That dress is pretty tight fitting on you. Do you think you 
ought to be crawling around like that?

FRED -- It's my wife's dress. It had better hold up the skirt. 
She paid two hundred dollars for it.

ED --   Our second parable tonight has a similar message. It is also 
from Luke chapter 15.

"Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does 
he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the 
lost sheep until he finds it? And when he finds it, he joyfully puts 
it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and 
neighbors together and says, 

FRED -- 'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.'" 

(a real sheep bleats, Baaaaaaa)

ED --   What was that?

FRED -- A little more authenticity, my friend! I know what you're 
going to say. You're going to say, "The audience can't see this 
sheep on my shoulders."

ED --   No, what I'm going to say is that you shouldn't be carrying 
that sheep on your shoulders while your wearing your wife's dress.

FRED -- Pish Posh. What could possibly happen? 

ED --   The point of all this, friends, is that when one of us turns 
our back on the Lord and strays away from him. He does his very best 
to get his lost sheep back into the fold. And when one sinner 
returns to God, he rejoices even more than the woman who lost a coin 
or the shepherd who lost a sheep.

FRED -- We did pretty good on this parable, huh?

ED --   And that's our parable for tonight. Tune in next time for 
Parables on Parade.

FRED -- (afar) Oh, man! Do you know how to get wee wee stains 
out of a Taffeta dress?


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