LAZARUS  5'2m0f The parable of the rich man and Lazarus

ED --   And now, sit down, put your feet up, relax and listen to 
another edition of... Parables on Parade. Tonight's program comes to 
you from atop the World Trade Center in New York, although I have no 
idea why. My partner, who insisted on doing this remote broadcast 
tonight, isn't even here. While were waiting for him, I'll read our 
parable for tonight, which comes from Luke chapter 16 beginning at 
verse 19.                                                                   

"There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and 
lived in luxury every day. At his gate was laid a beggar named 
Lazarus, covered with sores and longing to eat what fell from the 
rich man's table. Even the dogs came and licked his sores. The time 
came when the beggar died and the angels carried him to Abraham's 
side. The rich man also died and was buried. In hell, where he was 
in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by 
his side. So he called to him, 'Father Abraham, have pity on me and 
send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my 
tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.' But Abraham replied, 
'Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, 
while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and 
you are in agony. And besides all this, between us and you a great 
chasm has been fixed, so that those who want to go from here to you 
cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.' 

FRED -- (door opens) Boy, do we have a treat for our listeners 

ED --   (laughs) Well, if you don't look ridiculous!

FRED -- You can make fun of me all you want. But I am here to 
correct an error in this parable.

ED --   That's not very likely. I read the parable word-for-word 
right out of the Bible.

FRED -- It's not your reading that was incorrect nor your Bible 
translation. I checked the original Greek manuscripts and the error 
is there too.

ED --   But the Bible is the inspired word of God.

FRED -- None the less, according to the principles of modern day 
physics, this parable is now in error.

ED --   Let me guess. You're taking a night class in physics.

FRED -- Yeah, so?

ED --   And now you're here to correct an error in the Bible that 
has survived 2000 years of scrutiny?

FRED -- I don't know how they missed it. But I found the error.

ED --   I would remind you that a little bit of knowledge is 

FRED -- Poppycock. I got an "A minus" in my physics midterm exam. I 
am eminently qualified to correct such a glaring error in the Bible.

ED --   So, that's why we're on top of the World Trade Center in New 

FRED -- Precisely.

ED --   And that's why you're wearing that ridiculous outfit?

FRED -- This is not an outfit. This is a flying harness. It was 
developed by the motion picture industry to make Superman look like 
he was flying, when actually he was suspended by a thin steel cable, 
such as the one attached to this winch.

ED --   Ah, once again, I would remind you that neither your harness, 
nor the cable, nor the winch are visible to our LISTENING audience.

FRED -- Oh, that's right! Well, a winch is a high speed motor with a 
pulley attached that can raise and lower me at very high speeds. 
With it I will descend more than a thousand feet down the side of 
this building and then ascend to the roof again.

ED --   I still fail to see any connection between a parable about 
Heaven and Hell and you dangling from a cable above the streets of 
New York. 

FRED -- That's not surprizing. You didn't get an "A-minus" in your 
physics mid-term. The Biblical error is based on the quotation of 
Archimedes. He said, "Give me a long enough lever and a place to 
stand and I can move the earth."

ED --   That was Archimedes?

FRED -- Well, maybe it was Pythagarus. What does it matter? The 
point is that when Jesus told this story, the reason Lazarus couldn't 
reach down and touch the rich guy was that his cable was too short.

ED --   His cable was too short.

FRED -- That's right. In those days, their ropes were maybe a 
hundred, maybe two hundred feet long. With modern technology, we can 
have steel cables 1000, 2000 feet, even 1 mile long. 

ED --   So, you think man can travel between heaven and hell at 

FRED -- I do indeed. I will now demonstrate.

ED --   You're sure you want to do this? You're still wearing a 
bandage on your nose from your last demonstration.

FRED -- You think Pythagarus, Isaac Newton and Albert Einstein 
didn't have a few setbacks on their way to the history-making 

ED --   Yes, but...

FRED -- I now attach my body harness to the steel cable and step off the 
edge of the roof...(fading) Wee! (afar) See? Nothing to worry about.

ED --   Please, be careful.

FRED -- Don't worry. There are only four buttons on this remote 
control. I now press the DOWN button and descend a few stories... 
(woosh, fading) woo! Stop! (afar) Now I press the UP button to 
return to roof level (woosh, approaching) wee! Stop! (near) See easy 
as pie. The perfect transportation between Heaven and Hell. Even 
Lazarus could do it.

ED --   Just be careful not to push the....

FRED -- (fading) Aaah!

ED --   ....RELEASE button. Tuning in next time for the next edition 
of Parables on Parade.

FRED -- (afar, fading) Father Abraham!

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