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GOATS    4'2m0f The parable of the sheep and the goats

ED --   And now, sit down, put your feet up, relax and listen to 
another edition of... Parables on Parade. Tonight's parable comes 
from Matthew chapter 25 beginning at verse 31.

"When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with 
him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. All the nations 
will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one 
from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He 
will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left. "Then the 
King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by 
my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since 
the creation of the world....


FRED -- (sheep and goats bleating in background) This is your 
science editor reporting live from the county fair. Can you hear 
me in the studio?

ED --   Ah, yes, but what are you doing at the county fair?

FRED -- The county fair is the sight I have chosen to make public my 
finding that Jesus selected the wrong animal to inherit the kingdom 
of heaven.

ED --   Well, Mr Science Editor, just how will you accomplish this 
momentous task?

FRED -- I am about to give an IQ test to a sheep and a goat.

ED --   An IQ test. Won't they have a little trouble filling in 
those little boxes on the paper?

FRED -- Even at this great distance from the studio, I detect some 
insincerity in your voice. But I will ignore it. First of all, in 
order to give our listeners a sense of the authenticity of these IQ 
tests I want them to know that I am dressed in a white lab coat and 
I have a clipboard clutched in my left hand.

ED --   Well, you can't get much more clinical than that.

FRED -- Second, I have devised a simple, yet effective method of 
determining the relative intelligence of each of these animals. I 
took two identical red delicious apples, quartered them and arranged 
them identically on two identical paper plates.

ED --   You're making good progress. You successfully used the word 
IDENTICAL three times in one sentence.

FRED -- Ignoring the cynical comments from the studio, I now duck 
between the fence rails and step into the sheep pen. I now let the 
sheep smell the delicious apple slices for a few seconds. Then, I 
bend over, place the plate on the ground and cover the plate with an 
inverted bucket. Next, we wait and watch for exactly fifteen seconds 
to see if the sheep is intelligent enough to butt the pale with his 
head and expose the plate with the apple slices....No. As expected, 
the sheep is not intelligent enough to pass our IQ test...oh man!

ED --   What's the matter?

FRED -- I stepped in something soft and squishy.

ED --   Not very scientific for our science editor. Perhaps, you 
could give our listeners more precise definition of the substance 
you stepped in?

FRED -- Very funny. I now duck between the fence rails and step 
into the goat pen. I now let the goat smell the delicious apple 
slices for a few seconds. Then, I bend over, place the plate on the 
ground and cover the plate with an inverted bucket.

Ed --   I caution you not to turn your back on the...

Fred -- (bang) Agh!

ED --   Goat...What happened?

FRED -- Ahhh! Oh, man! Well, as expected the goat was intelligent 
enough to butt the pale with his head. But I was standing in the way 
when he did. Oh man!

ED --   What's the matter?

FRED -- There's only one thing worse than stepping in it. (afar) 
Anybody got a paper towel?

ED --   Mr Science Editor, our audience is waiting with baited 
breath to hear what your IQ tests have proven.

FRED -- Beyond a doubt, I have proven that goats are intellectually 
superior to sheep.

ED --   Yeah, so?

FRED -- So, it should have been the goats, not the sheep, who 
inherit the kingdom of heaven.

ED --   I now want to remind our listeners AND our science editor 
that Jesus was not choosing an animal to inherit the kingdom of 
heaven in this parable.

FRED -- He wasn't?

ED --   No, he wasn't. When he comes again, Jesus will separate his 
PEOPLE into two groups: those who put their lives in his hands and 
those who turned their backs on him, LIKE a shepherd separate his 
sheep from his goats.

FRED -- You mean I ruined a brand new lab coat and a perfectly good 
pair of shoes for nothing?

ED --   Tune in next time for another edition of Parables on Parade.

FRED -- (afar) Agh! I stepped in it again.


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