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AUDITION 3'2m?f Casting call for the role of Jesus' betrayer

(knock, knock)

a -- ...yes, yes, come in, young fella. I'm the casting director
for Yahweh productions. Nice to meet you Mr...Johnson.

b -- I'd like to read for the part of the head apostle.

a -- Oh, I'm sorry, but we've already cast a fisherman named
Peter for that role.

b -- Oh, really?! Are you sure it's not too late? I saw the role
of the head apostle as the arrogant loud-mouth. I could do
that role really well.

a -- I'm sorry, Peter is a perfect arrogant loud-mouth. I'm sure
Jesus will love him.

b -- Bummer. Well, what other roles are you casting, then? What
about the warm hearted sidekick apostle, the one who has to
write a gospel and several epistles?

a -- Sorry, we cast a fellow named John in that role. In fact,
we've cast all the apostles, except the role of the apostle
who betrays Jesus.

b -- Oh, you didn't describe him in your ad.

a -- It's not a big part, but it is pivotal to the plot.

b -- Does he have any lines that will end up in the Bible?

a -- As a matter of fact he does.

b -- Do you mind if I read for that role, then?

a -- Not at all. For some reason, nobody else wants the part.

(paper noise)

Here, read the highlighted response after the prostitute
pours expensive perfume on Jesus' feet.

b -- "Why wasn't this perfume sold and the money given to the
poor?"

a -- Good. Skip to page two, the conversation with temple
leaders.

b -- "What are you willing to give me if I hand him over to you?"

a -- Good.

b -- All I get is one line per scene?

a -- Skip to page four, where the Jesus says, "woe to the man who
betrays the son of man"

b -- "Surely not I, Lord!" 

a -- Very good.

b -- "Surely not I, Lord?" Don't I have any lines longer than ten
words?

a -- Now, the scene where you betray Jesus, page 6.

b -- "Greetings, Rabbi." 

a -- Excellent.

b -- "Greetings, Rabbi?" This guy is man of few words.

a -- And, finally, the scene where you go back to the temple and 
tell them you made a mistake by selling out the son of God. Page 
ten.

b -- "I have sinned, for I have betrayed innocent blood."

a -- Very good, you've got the part.

b -- No, thanks.

a -- But, you were made for the part.

b -- It says here that I go out and kill myself. No, thanks!

a -- Hold on, Mr.... Johnson. You know, less than half of the
apostles have speaking parts. This part is a real prize.

b -- No, thanks!

a -- How many people do you know who get a role as a friend of
the Messiah?

b -- Who'd be dumb enough to want the role that would land them
in hell for eternity? 

Goofy -- (door open) Hiuck, hiuck, is this where I get to be an
apostle?

b -- There he is.

a -- I think we found our man.


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