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ANANIAS  5'3m1f Ananias and Sapphira pay with their lives

(applause)

PETER -- (deep and mellow announcer's voice) Hi, and welcome 
back to the Book of Acts Telethon. I'm the Apostle Peter and 
here's the apostle John with an update for our tote board? 
Johnnie?

JOHN -- (mellow announcer's voice) Our new total is....

(fanfare)

$457,876.

(applause)

Our congratulations to our listeners and our thanks for their 
great generousity. The widows and orphans here in Jerusalem 
thank you too. And now back to Peter, who has another generous 
gift. Peter?

PETER -- Thank you, Johnnie. We do indeed have another generous 
donation. Your name, sir?

ANANIAS - My name is Ananias. My wife's name is Sapphira. Oh, I 
guess she not here. She must have gone to the powder room. Oh, 
well.

PETER -- And how much do you want to give to the Acts of the 
Apostles Telethon, Ananias?

ANANIAS - (Brooklyn Accent) Ah, before I announce my gift, can I 
say hi to the guys in my neighborhood?

PETER -- Sure, go ahead.

ANANIAS - I'd like to say hello to the guys on the north side. 
Hello, Lenny, hello Harry, hello to Mort and hi to Benny. And 
finally, hello to my Mom.

PETER -- Okay, now, before you drop your donation into the big 
barrel, how much is in the bag?

ANANIAS - Well, first, I like to say that my wife and I sold a 
piece of property next door to our house and we're giving the 
entire amount to telethon!

(applause)

PETER -- That's very generous, Ananias! How much is in the bag.

ANANIAS - Twelve thousand bucks!

(low rumble thunder)

What was that?

PETER -- Johnnie, tell Ananias about that black cloud over his 
head.

JOHN --- Peter, that cloud over Ananias head is the wrath of God!

(audience: oooo!)

Yes, for some reason, the wrath of God is about to rain down 
upon Ananias. And unless Ananias repents soon, he'll be doomed 
to death. Now, back to you, Peter.

(audience: gasps)

PETER -- Right you are, Johnnie. Well, Ananias, it appears that 
you are about to be struck down by the Lord God Almighty. Would 
you like to change your story?

ANANIAS - No, I kind of like the story I gave.

(thunder louder)

Alright, so maybe Sapphira and I held back a few pennies for 
ourselves.

(thunder louder)

Did I say a few pennies? I meant a few dollars.

(huge thunder clap, audience gasp)

PETER -- Johnnie, while our ushers carry away the dead body of 
Ananias, tell our audience what just happened.

(theme music)

JOHN --- Right you are, Peter. Ananias and his wife Sapphira sold 
their property for over $25,000, but he dropped only half of 
that into the barrel. Then he lied before the Lord. Fortunately, 
the Lord prevailed.

(applause)

Now, back to you, Peter.

PETER -- Thank you, Johnnie. Oh, here she is now. Let's give a 
warm welcome to Ananias' wife, Sapphira.

(applause)

Sapphira, welcome to Acts of the Apostles Telethon.

SAPPHIRA - (brooklyn accent) Thank you, Peter. Can I say hi to my 
friends on the north side?

PETER -- Sure.

SAPPHIRA - I like to say hi to Stella, Rita, and Pearl, from my 
mah jongg group and Evelyn and Myra at the sewing guild.

(low rumble thunder)

What was that?

PETER -- Johnnie, tell Sapphira about that black cloud over her
head.

JOHN --- Peter, that cloud is the wrath of God!

(audience: oooo!)

Yes, for some reason, the wrath of God is about to rain down 
upon Sapphira. And unless Sapphira repents soon, she'll be 
doomed to death. Now, back to you, Peter.

(audience: gasps)

PETER -- Right you are, Johnnie. Well, Sapphira, it appears that 
you are about to be struck down by the Lord God Almighty. Would 
you like to change your story?

SAPPHIRA - What story? Where is my husband.

PETER -- Ananias claimed he sold his property and gave the 
entire amount to the telethon. Is that correct?

SAPPHIRA - Sure.

(louder thunder)

Ananias! Where are you?

(louder thunder)

Alright, alright, we held some money back.

PETER -- How much?

SAPPHIRA - Ananias!

(louder thunder)

It was all Ananias' idea. I had nothing to do with it!

(huge thunder clap, audience gasp)

PETER -- Johnnie, while our ushers carry away the dead body of 
Sapphira, tell our audience what just happened.

(theme music)

JOHN --- Right you are, Peter. Sapphira lied before the Lord. 
Fortunately, the Lord prevailed.

(applause)

Now, back to you, Peter.

PETER -- Johnnie, do we have an update for our tote board?

JOHN --- We do indeed, Peter.

(fanfare)

Thanks to the generous contribution from the late Ananias and 
Sapphira, our new total is....

(drum roll)

$469,876.

(applause)

Our congratulations to our listeners and our thanks for their 
great generousity. The widows and orphans here in Jerusalem 
thank you too. Peter?

PETER -- And now, he's a word from our sponsor.

(loud clap of thunder)


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