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ACTS5    5'2m0f Peter and John miraculously escape from jail

(large door unlatches, opens with squeaky hinges and echos)

JAILER ---- Hi, welcome to my dungeon. May I torture you? 
(laughs) That's a little jail humor, there.

PHARISEE -- (serious) Yeah, I'm in stitches. I'm here to pick up 
the prisoners.

JAILER ---- Prisoners?

PHARISEE -- Yeah, Peter and John.

JAILER ---- Peter and John.

PHARISEE -- Yeah, you know, Peter and John, the apostles of 
Jesus. Don't tell me you let them go.

JAILER ---- Well, I held them overnight. 

PHARISEE -- You let them go.

JAILER ---- Well, I had nothing to charge them with. All they 
did was heal a lame beggar and preach the resurrection of Jesus.

PHARISEE -- You let them go.

JAILER ---- Well, yes. What are those wires you're holding? They 
look like jumper cables.

PHARISEE -- Well, I was going to use these on Peter and John, 
but since they are no longer here....

JAILER ---- (fading) Get away from me. What are those?

PHARISEE -- These are electrodes.

JAILER ---- Don't be silly. This is a Bible story. Electrodes 
are never mentioned in the Bible.

PHARISEE -- Oh, good. Then, they won't shock you when they touch 
your skin.

JAILER ---- I'm warning you, keep those things away from me.

PHARISEE -- But electrodes are not mentioned in the Bible. You 
have nothing to be afraid of.

JAILER ---- (fading) Listen, can't we talk this over? 

PHARISEE -- (fading) I tell you what. Why don't you look this up 
in your concordance.

JAILER ---- (electrical discharge, rattling scream, sighs) Aaaaah. 

PHARISEE -- What are you smiling about?

JAILER ---- It feels so good when it stops hurting.

PHARISEE -- Don't let it happen again.

(hinges squeak with echos, door closes)
(time passage music or noise)
(large door unlatches, opens with squeaky hinges and echos)

JAILER ---- Oh, no. What did I do now?

PHARISEE -- Nothing. Why?

(hinges squeak with echos, door closes)

JAILER ---- You brought your electrodes again.

PHARISEE -- Electrodes? What electrodes? Electrodes are not 
mentioned in the Bible.

JAILER ---- Get away from me.

PHARISEE -- These aren't for you. They're for the prisoners.

JAILER ---- The prisoners.

PHARISEE -- Don't tell me you let them out again.

JAILER ---- Oh, you mean Peter and John?

PHARISEE -- Yes, they ARE still here, aren't they?

JAILER ---- Oh, yes, of course. I sat here right by their cell 
all night long. Nobody got by me.

PHARISEE -- Well, open the door, then. 

JAILER ---- Sure. Okay. 

(large door unlatches, opens with squeaky hinges and echos)

(shouts) Okay, fellas come on out.... (echos) Fellas? Peter? 
John?

PHARISEE -- You let them go.

(hinges squeak with echos, door closes)

JAILER ---- Listen, keep those electrodes away from me. 

PHARISEE -- What electrodes? There are no electrodes in the 
Bible.

JAILER ---- Listen, there must be a logical explanation for 
this. 

PHARISEE -- I'm sure.

JAILER ---- I was sitting here all night.... Get away from me.

PHARISEE -- Hold still. This will only take a moment.

JAILER ---- Okay. Okay. So I may have fallen asleep. But I 
didn't let them go this time. You have to believe me.

PHARISEE -- I'm sure.

JAILER ---- (fading) Wait a minute. I can explain. Maybe an 
angel of the Lord put me to sleep and let them out of their 
cell.

PHARISEE -- (afar) I'm sure.

JAILER ---- (electrical discharge, rattling scream, sigh) Aaaaah.

PHARISEE -- Don't let it happen again.

(hinges squeak with echos, door closes)
(time passage music or noise)
(large door unlatches, opens with squeaky hinges and echos)

JAILER ---- (fading) Get away from me. I didn't do anything.

PHARISEE -- Oh, I'm not here to punish you. I just want to be 
sure that you did your job.

JAILER ---- My job? 

PHARISEE -- Yes, Peter and John were caught preaching the 
resurrection of Jesus again. You were supposed to punish them.

JAILER ---- Oh, that! Yes. The Sanhedrin told me to flog the 
apostles and let them go. They didn't tell me to hold them here 
this time. Honest.

PHARISEE -- Relax. I believe you. 

JAILER ---- Oh, good.

PHARISEE -- So, you did flog them and let them go?

JAILER ---- Yeah.... Yeah, sure. I flogged them good. When I 
flog them, they know they've been flogged. (laughs nervously)

PHARISEE -- Good.

JAILER ---- Then I let them go. Just like they said.

PHARISEE -- Good.

JAILER ---- So.... There's no need for those electrodes, right?

PHARISEE -- Oh, these? Yeah, your right. I guess I don't need 
these at all. Here, you hang onto them.

JAILER ---- Oh, Okay. (electrical discharge, rattling scream 
until door closes)

(hinges squeak with echos, door closes)

(afar) Very funny.


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